My Boys- A Saturday

I spent this saturday morning with a cuddly 4-yr-old and a not so cuddly 2-yr-old, on the couch. We watched cartoons... well I should say, they watched cartoons, I got in a few more winks while one snuggled under my blanket and the other bounced at my feet. They are so incredible.

Yesterday, for the first time in I don't know how long, they were both asleep at the same time in the midde of the afternoon, so Martin and I put in the Netflix I had been saving all week to watch with him. It took us back to times before kids, when we had no one to think about, but us. About twenty minutes into the movie, a sleepy-eyes Elijah came sauntering out. Without saying a word, he just smiled and climbed up onto the couch with us, giving me a hug. I looked at Martin and said, "Where did this boy come from? Do we really have a 4-yr-old?" Sometimes it just doesn't seem real that we are parents, that the boys are really ours.

I love how silly they are. They constantly make me laugh, and it's usually not on purpose because they just say things... unlike adults... they don't filter- it just comes out exactly as they think it up. Today Elijah said, "Mommy, sometimes when I yawn, my eyes get juicy!" Those observations are so priceless to me. I just smiled and tucked away that little moment for later.

I love that Owen copies EVERYTHING big brother does. Today they got in a fight over who could sing "Awesome God." "No I'm singing it," "No I'm singing it!" Singing it together would just be too easy! They are also at the age where anything having to do with potty words is hilarious. They make up words that rhyme with potty words and say them over and over making each other laugh. then they usually start the spitting games... not my favorite, though those sounds might beat out the potty words.

My Favorite is how loving they are. They make sure everyone gets hugged and kissed and everyone in the house knows that they are loved (no matter who it is). Sometimes Owen will mention randomly all the people and things that he loves. Last night in the car he specificaly said, "I love Papa, and Lijah loves Grandma!" It always melts my heart the most when they speak those words to me. "Wuv you mommy!," Owen will say and spread his arms out wide for me to hug him and scoop him up like the baby I am trying to keep him. And Elijah is also quick to share his "I love you's." It's his dark brown eyes that always make me want to freeze time when he says those words. I love my sweet boys... I'm going to be in good hands someday when they take care of me!!!

Canadian Geese...Really?

A few months ago, when the first snow began to stick covering the ground in a thick white blanket, I noticed something spectacular on my daily route to take Elijah to school. I always take the back way, which is full of God's beauty everywhere I look- wide open spaces, fields, mountains splashed graceful and strong in the background. Why would anyone choose to take the highway? So there are many fields I pass along the way. The first morning, I only caught it out of the corner of my eye... this spectacular sight, but everyday after that I became obsessed with fascination, I had to drive by to see it. Huddled together, stretched out across a mile-long field were hundreds of Canadian Geese... hundreds! I couldn't believe it. What were they all doing here? Why did they come to this specific field?
It became part of our daily routine to look for the Geese. "Let's see if the geese are there today," I would tell the boys on our way. They would both bubble up with excitement, "ooh yeah, mommy, I think they're there!" And they were, consistently for weeks and weeks, this great amazing cluster of grey and black- such a contrast against the white frozen ground beneath them. I so desperately wanted to capture a picture, but that was impossible. Merely slowing down to get a longer glance at them caused the cars behind me to get impatient. There was no place to pull over either. So their beauty is captured only in my memory.
When the snow melted, the geese to began to disappear. The group got smaller and smaller, until they had gone altogether. But where? I wanted to know. I missed them, in a way. Then one Sunday afternoon, I saw them. They had claimed a new field, a much larger one, and acquired more friends as well. Their new stretch of land wasn't a flat field like before, this was a few miles of rolling greens. I could see puddles in places that looked more like small ponds, they liked that a lot. But still I wonder what makes them stick together, and gather in these huge groups? I never see one off by itself, they don't even fly alone... always together. The more I think about them, the more remarkable their design, the more I am reminded of a truly Great creator who plans everything beyond what we can understand or imagine. I also find myself envying them, just alittle. I know- I just got even weirder. I don't feel that "togetherness" in my life. They way they do everything together, supporting each other. When I see them flying in their "V" One doesn't lead for long, they switch places while keeping their formation, so that none of them are leading too long. Can you imagine if we worked together like geese? Maybe I've just been lonely too long, and I'm starting to see "community" everywhere... the one thing I miss the most.
Either way, I still obsessively look forward to seeing the Geese gathered together in their special place, and I still wonder in awe that they do. I still think about my creator... if He can design this simple bird to function in this way... surely I am much more capable to work together with others- to build and support- to love and to care, and to give my life for His purpose.

*note* I apologize for not having a picture!

A Snow Day

Can I call in sick? That was the question floating in my head last Thursday morning. I woke up feeling like someone or something had taken oever my body and there was no way I was going to be functional that day. Thankfully Martin usually has thursdays off... I was hoping he'd take both boys to drop off Elijah, so I could get some rest. Just as we were finishing breakfast, my phone rang. It was my mom. No school- she told me. I never turn on the news to see the moving cancelations at the bottom of the screen, that is until she calls me. So it was officially a snow day, and I couldn't be more thankful. It was just what we needed. Martin played with the boys all day, and yes even though he was home, a mom is never really "off duty." I couldn't help watching them play outside and snapping pictures, along with taking numerous tissues to the back door for runny noses.
Almost a week later now, and I'm still not 100% better. My throat feels like fire every time I swallow, but at least my energy is back. Being a "sick mom" is the worst.

When Moms Breathe

Something crazy and unpredictable happens to me everyday. It takes some getting used to. Most days I still fight it. Really? This can't be happening! I don't want to deal with messes and catastrophes every other minute... who does. But I'm learning to accept that it's just part of the job.
Some weeks, like last week, so much happened that I barely had a moment to absorb it, to sit down and say, "wow that was awful, but things are going to be okay." (Yes I talk to myself on a regular basis).
First it was a batch of chocolate chip cookies that someone just had to help with, which turned out edible, but... interesting. Then it was the blood-curdling scream that stopped my heart and rushed us to the urgent care for seven stitches in my four year olds forehead. *aaahhhhhh* still not fully recovered from that incident- that's not supposed to happen to my kid- I'm supposed to be able to keep him safe... right? Then it was on with our normal schedule... well there's really nothing normal about it. Changing Elijah's soaked through sheets - everyday... daddy zooming in and out and having his weekend in the middle of our week and sleeping when were playing. Then there was the grocery store incident, well I shouldn't really call it an incident because every grocery trip is like this... ya know one wants to pull the groceries out of the cart and throw them on the floor or eat the grocery list, the other wants to ride on the cart like its a rocket, there's screaming, pleas for this or that, and ultimately one of us leaves the store crying, last week there were two of us crying because I forgot to bring the right card in my wallet to purchase the groceries and had to put them on the account that has no money in it. (thankfully, my wonderful husband went back to the store later that day and the groceries charged to the right account).
Sometimes I wonder, when will I feel in control again? When will life slow down? But the truth is, that's not really what I want. This morning, Owen got up early as usual, long before the sun. "Watch Ice Skating Mommy?" he said. We laid on the couch. No, Ice Skating wasn't on. He was remembering yesterday when we'd watched it together. A few minutes passed with him chattering away... "Go give Wije Kiss?" (Wije is what he calls big brother). "No Lijah's sleeping still." I told him. Then the alarm went off. "Have Wogurt(yogurt), Mommy?" "Okay, let's have yogurt." We turned the lights on, soon his face was covered with vanilla yogurt and so were his hands. When Elijah got up he gave me a big hug and a kiss and with a smile said, "I love you mommy."
Okay, I don't care that I have to change diapers and sheets, wipe noses and bottoms and give up the predictability I once valued. These boys love so easily and so simply, it just warms my heart to look at them.

The Glamourous Life

Last week, Owen found an unopened copy of Glamour magazine in my bedroom. I used to be a subscriber a few years ago, I guess I just never got around to opening that issue. Anyways, one day when both boys were taking their rest time, I decided to flip though it. There were almost a hundred fashion ideas on how to use things from your own closet and re-create them, the usual beauty tips, etc.
In that short time, I was transported back in time to when those things consumed most of my day. I used to paint my nails a new color every week, fix my hair in new creative ways, and look forward to planning a cute out fit each and every day.
Things are different now. I probably paint my nails twice a year. And lately, doing my hair consists of throwing on my favorite hat. I'm not saying I'm dis-satisfied, actually I think I've adapted quite well considering how important thosse things used to be. But then again, as I flipped through those colorful glossy pages, I thought, "Oh yeah, this stuff used to be fun."
Now that Owen is nearly two, I'm in sort of a transitional phase. I really could do some of those things, it just takes some planning. He's not completely dependant on me the way he used to be... I get regular showers now, and sleep. I guess I have to admit... he's really not a baby anymore. That's hard for me to say. It's hard for me to move on to the "next part" I guess. He talks now... he understands so much, and catches on to things that don't seem possible. I was watching the movie "the Holiday" (one of my favs) and he was playing in the living room with me. Well there's a scene where one of the characters says, "Oh My Gosh!" so what do you think my almost two year old said for the next five minutes? yep. It was funny and a little disturbing a the same time. I guess I can't watch non-kid movies when he's awake anymore.
I do understand my reality... life isn't ever going to be "glamourous," but that doesn't mean it can't be fun.
Guess what? I painted my nails last night- "purple rain" oh yeah... I'm ready for fun!

From Book To Book!

Last year took me on many adventures… and thankfully not all of them happened to me in “real life.” Though there were natural challenges and struggles of having a husband working the nightshift, I chose to look for distractions and positivity wherever I could. I found just that in books. I let myself get lost in reading, become addicted in nearly a true sense on the word. As soon as I’d finished one book I’d become hungry for something new to occupy that empty space left behind.
Right before the New Year, I had decided that I needed to read more; well I just wanted to read more. With the time then available… a goal was set in place: I would read a least one new book every month. This was a good goal, not too overwhelming; it felt attainable -even compared with most years in which I read only four books, maybe. I knew this goal was my destiny when I received what would become the first book on my list as a Christmas present from a very dear friend (thanks Adrienne- Sisterchicks-Say Ooh La La! Started my year and my reading goal off with powerful positivity and encouragement)! And that was it, after reading through that first book, I went right on to another one. Soon I was searching… I had to fill the time right before bed with luxurious fiction (you will notice on the booklist below, that I read only one non-fiction book this year, which was also incredible, but there’s nothing like a good dose of fiction to make you forget all about the mundane problems in your own life).
Somewhere in the summer, I surpassed what would have been the whole year’s worth of books, had I been sticking with one per month! I can’t explain the drive, the thrill of adventure I allowed myself to indulge in. Sailing from one book to the next like a ship on oceans made with words of velvet. What a ride it has been!
So, thank you Nightshift… for this habit has been a long time coming; it may have never happened with Martin home continuing our old routine. Though now he is home some nights, and guess what… I’m not reading quite so much. But the trade off is a good one. I think I’ll keep my goal at one book per month, especially now that I have my husband back for the most part.
And now for the actual list… I want you to know that I’m not bragging, but I’m simply proud of myself for accomplishing a goal, stomping my own expectations into the ground and rising above what I truly thought myself capable of. You will notice certain trends as you read through the list. I will read anything by Nicholas Sparks, for instance. Also I re-read the Twilight Saga not just because I love it so much, but it’s a personal thing that whenever a movie comes out I like to freshen myself up with the book right beforehand. It’s just so much more enjoyable and rewarding that way. I’ve also always been curious about “those Harry Potter books.” Everyone who reads them always swears by them. If there was ever any year I was going to accomplish all seven of them this was going to be the year… and I did it I really did it, and to top it all off the first part of Deathly Hallows came out in theatres just two months after I had completed the final installment!
I guess, the only other obvious trend would be that I have sort of a thing for romance. And not so obvious…mystery.
I hope you enjoy seeing what I’ve read this year. Maybe it will inspire you to break open a new adventure, romance, or mystery. I can recommend everything on this list, though you may want to inquire for specifics… (I would have written a book review for each title, but I thought that would have made for MUCH too long a blog seeing how this one is fairly lengthy as it is). However, I will make two short recommendations excluding the Twilight Saga, and Harry Potter because we all know those get enough hype of their own. So in saying that I have to tell you I absolutely loved “The Wedding,” and not for the usual reasons. I wish I could convince m dad to read it, or every man for that matter. So here’s the scoop: man and wife have been married thirty years. It’s been a good, functional marriage, but he’s not romantic. The question is, can a man change? I won’t say more than that in fear of ruining anything (hate it when people do that). If you read nothing else on this list, read that one… or “The Choice.” And please, please, give me some new recommendations… for I am running dry.

Books I’ve Read This Year (2010)

1 SISTERCHICKS: Say Ooh La La! (Robin Jones Gunn)

2--P.S. I Love You (Cecilia Ahern)

3-Dear John (Nicholas Sparks)

4-The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)

5-Twilight (reread) (Stepehenie Meyer)

6-New Moon (reread) (Stephenie Meyer)

7-The Choice (Nicholas Sparks)

8-Eclipse (reread) (Stephanie Meyer)

9-The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (Stephanie Meyer)

10-Breaking Dawn (Stephanie Meyer)

11-Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone (J.K. Rowlings)

12-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (J.K. Rowlings)

13-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J.K. Rowlings)

14-Bird By Bird (Anne Lamott)

15- The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)

16- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (J.K. Rowlings)

17. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J.K. Rowlings)

18. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (J.K Rowlings)

19. The Wedding (Nicholas Sparks)

20. Towards Zero (Agatha Christie)

21. Emma (Jane Austen)

The Power of Words

I'm a person who loves meaningful words, you know, quotes... catchy phrases... words that ring true and apply to my life directly in some way. Finding these words in unexpected places makes my day: on license plates (things like LVNLIFE) on window displays, especially now (spread the joy), and today on my coffee sleeve (Stories are gifts. Share yours). That is so true; some of the stories I have been told have been the best gifts. Which goes to show that words are powerful and how you express them is important. And Bonus: they are FREE!
I wish that I had the means to travel the world and share meaningful words with everyone, not just the silly little things that someone can print on a coffee sleeve, even though for me those little things help, but what if positivity and hope could be spread to everyone? What if the whole world smiled at the same time? I think we'd be able to feel it. Mmmm how wonderful that would be... impossible, but wonderful. Maybe heaven will be like that, like one huge heart warming smile, bursting with light and joy and love.
It helps to think about positive things, and to remember that this isn't the end. My story is only just beginning. I need to do better. Better at what? Well, I have a long list, but every time I see simple meaningful words I'm convicted just a tad. They prick my heart and I have to say, oh yeah... life is good...I do have hope... I do have joy... I am blessed... I am chosen... I am loved. If it stopped there it wouldn't mean much, but like I said i am trying to do better. those reminders tell me to encourage others in the same way. there are so many people in my life that need to hear me say those things: I love you, you bring me joy, you strengthen my hope, you are special, you make my life better, your story has changed me.
Sometimes things go unsaid. We overestimate how good we are at communicating. Or maybe it just sounds too cheesy to say those kinds of things out loud. But what if they never get said?
I really believe words can change the world. Because after all, if you have to choose between your belly and your soul getting fed, the latter will always be more important.
Tell someone today what they really mean to you, and take every opportunity to encourage.

"The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl." Proverbs 25:11 (New Century Version)