I Miss Harry

I miss Harry. You could say we got acquainted in the hospital waiting room. That was a long night last May… anticipating the birth of my second niece, perfect for meeting a new friend. I was questionable about him at first; I didn’t think we’d hit it off. But everybody kept saying you have to meet Harry, Harry is wonderful. I gave in. They were right. Quite honestly, Harry is more than wonderful. Once I got to know him, I couldn’t get enough. We had our differences, but I found him fascinating. With each encounter it got better and better; he became more interesting, more exhilarating, and I began to learn a little more about myself along the way.
I saw him on and off all summer, sneaking in meetings whenever possible. In mid July, our meetings hit a wall. He wasn’t available, not for me anyway. I had to see him. I was desperate. After a dull weekend without him, I called my brother, practically begging him to hook us up. He came through. Pheww! Together again, and this time I knew we’d be seeing even more of each other, James had promised me that.
Harry taught me a lot over the summer. He taught me the true meaning of friendship, he showed me what it really means to be brave, loyal, and kind, but most of all, he taught me that love conquers all. I wish there was something I could give back to him. And now that it’s over, well, I find myself wanting to go back to the beginning, wanting to start all over again just so I can see him.
I miss Harry. Even though he’s a wizard who lives in a world that doesn’t exist, I miss him. Our last days spent together, I savored, not wanting it to end. Every moment I took slowly. It was like eating a very rich, rare, and perfect dessert, every bite enjoyed with reverence knowing it would soon be gone.
I guess all there is left to say is, thank you, Harry. Thank you Harry Potter for a wonderful summer. I may be seeing you again soon.

Note: Thank you James, for letting me borrow your Harry Potter collection when the library failed me and I was left in dire need, and I further thank you for buying me books five and six! Awesome!

Note 2: To all fellow Harry Potter fans… you know exactly what I’m talking about right? And for those of you who have not been introduced to Harry, well I suggest you meet him soon. You won’t regret it.

"Hot" Husbands!

The Husband Hot-List

These things don’t usually happen on the same day, and of course there are days and weeks when none of these things happen. But watching my husband be a better man than he thinks he is through self-less acts, makes him the most attractive man I know.

So here it goes, my list of random things I find appealing in a man. Of course I love it when I find my man doing these things, but I also stop and admire other dads and husbands who are trying just as hard as mine to be the best they can be for their families.

Husbands who….

… Take their kids to the library… Are Hot!
…load and unload the dishwasher (not do to nagging or prodding, but from their own desire)… Are Hot!
…make breakfast…lunch…dinner… or something edible and prepared…Are Hot!
…know how to push around the vacuum, mop, or broom…Are Hot! This is one of my favorites, especially when the view is so appealing!
…remember your favorite drink exactly the way you like it and bring it to you on a day when you need it most…Are Hot!
…take the kids to the grocery store, park, or anywhere away from you so you can have some peace of mind…Are Hot!
…Show they’ve actually heard what you’ve said by their actions…Are Hot!
-“if you have to look at one more pile of dirty laundry, you just might slit your wrists!” –mysteriously the laundry gets washed, dried, folded and mostly put away, though in all the wrong places. But who are you to complain… at least you didn’t have to slit your wrists!
…read a book just to please you, because you’re reading it and want to have in-depth conversations about it …Are Hot!
…stand behind you no matter what…Are Hot!
-when you decide to start working out again, they cheer you on and even buy you a new outfit that you look great in
-when you decide to landscape the front yard, they work beside you, digging, moving the heavy stuff and, and planting flowers you picked out together
- even on the tougher decisions like staying home, or going into the work field, he acts like your partner, your teammate, and you feel confident that together you are doing right
…Love Jesus… Are Hot!
-when you know his heart’s motivation’s are striving to please God there is nothing in the world more attractive!

So here’s a shout out to all the “Hot” husbands out there! If you’ve got one of them, show them lots of love and let them know how wonderful they are!

(There are many more things that make my honey Hot, these are just ten that came to mind because I have seen and appreciated most of them lately. Yay! My hubby’s hot)!

Getting Back To Priorities

As a mom, there are many things I once valued that now I rarely think about. Priorities have taken a major revamp… mostly for the good I have to say. But there are those things, little things that I need back in my life… looking in the mirror, for instance before leaving the house.

Last week after picking Elijah up from pre-school, I decided I would be brave and attempt a post office stop with both boys in tow. I only had one envelope to mail and some stamps to pick up, but of course there was a line. I tried pre-occupying Elijah with letter games “how many letter A’s can you find,” etc. It worked fairly well, but he was still his fidgety, four-year- old self.

When it was finally our turn, Elijah handed our special envelope up on to the counter to be mailed, and then stepped behind me to do some more fidgeting. What I didn’t expect was a poke on my bottom. Yes… my four year old was poking me! I turned around trying to be discreet and whispered as sternly as I could for him to stop. As soon as I turned back to the counter, he did it again. “Elijah! Stop it!” I said. I figured he was trying to poke the button on my pants, but I couldn’t understand why that would be funny, he was giggling after all. Oh well, kids do silly unexplainable things all the time, though this was a little inappropriate in my opinion, I didn’t want to make a big deal in front of a line of people.

When we got out to the car he had a talk about poking, and I thought that was the end of it. Well, it was the end for him, but when I got home I realized that I should have been a lot more embarrassed at the post office… and at Elijah’s pre-school, and everywhere else I had been that morning. I hadn’t looked in the mirror before walking out the door, (surprise, surprise). If I had looked in the mirror, I would have noticed the large hole on the backside of my pants and the bright blue panties showing through. But I didn’t. Now I know, some priorities aren’t worth sacrificing.

Life is Kinda Like Chess (but not really)

This morning I found myself playing a game of chess with my husband in an “off the beaten path” coffee shop. We weren’t planning on going there… just like we never plan to end up at the library or the park or any of the random places we find ourselves. We’re in some kind of strange middle life that feels awkward and well, it is what it is- unprecedented. With Elijah going to preschool half days in Coeur d ‘Alene (a 20 minute drive from our home in Post Falls), Martin working a schedule that is different everyday, and Owen… well he’s now the unstoppable king of the house ever since he learned of his powers to ransack everything in his path at full speed. I’m not trying to complain, in fact, I see lots of new possibilities right around the corner. I’m just still at that place when change is fresh and complicated. I don’t know exactly how to function, how to manage what I used to manage, and well, it’s just a little bit frustrating.

So, as I sat across from the man I love, strategizing just how to capture his king, I realized that life is a little like chess. Our best defense against a world of problems is to be proactive, to see the possibilities and be one step ahead. But what about the times when we’re one or two steps behind? When we don’t realize the opponent’s bishop is about to take out our knight, or even worse our own king? It happens. I guess that’s when I’m glad that life isn’t about winning or having everything figured out. That’s when the true King steps in overlooking our mistakes and giving us grace that we never deserve. When the world would say it’s finished, God says it is only the beginning. That is what gives me hope. He can use my mistakes for something great. He can take me to a coffee shop off the beaten path on a Tuesday morning and give me clarity when I was feeling that all may be lost.

Breaking Down and Building Up

If your heart were a home, complete with rooms of all sizes, what room would hold your emotions? Would it be a room with wide-open space that welcomed others in, like a living room? Or would it be a medium sized bedroom, more intimate, yet also an easy space for sharing? I think most of us keep our emotions in the smallest place possible, like the attic or linen closet, at least I know this has been true for me. But why are we so afraid to show what is really going on inside us? Why do we hold back overwhelming emotions?
Denial is easier.
Is it really that simple? We are so busy that we don’t want to stop and deal with things like feeling mournful, depressed, touched, convicted, or sometimes even joy. The tangible, necessary things always take priority. We’re also concerned with other’s reactions. What will _____ think if I just break down, right here, right now? But what if something life changing is about to happen in that little house- your heart- and you turn off the power? You keep your despair locked in the closet where no one will ever find it.
I guess at first, it gets worse. Then it gets a lot worse, and you are in such a pit of despair that you never want to come out of the attic, or out from under the kitchen sink, or wherever it is that you have managed to put the “real” you, and you begin to live this miserable double life. Your face might appear happy, but inside- your home is falling apart with no hopes of repair.
What we often fail to realize is that allowing ourselves to reach that place of mourning is a good thing. This is the starting point of growth. When you understand that you are pitiful, inadequate…lost, well that’s when the work can begin. Nothing can be done if nothing “needs” done.
I find myself at this point constantly, maybe it’s just been a rough year, or maybe I’m just a convicted emotional person, either way I know that I am nothing on my own. I am helpless, pathetic, worthless. I go into my closet, overwhelmed with my life, and I cry, and I cry, and I cry until God gives me the strength to face what I need to. I’m still not great at letting others in. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to keep my emotions in the “living room,” but maybe someday I’ll move into a small bedroom with a little window.

“Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted” Matthew 5:3

Another translation says:

“Those who are sad now are happy, because God will comfort them.”

Happy Fourth Birthday, Elijah!

On September 25th my Elijah will be four...FOUR! I just can't believe the time has gone so fast! Ironically, that exact day was the day Martin proposed to me in 2004, two years before Elijah was born. It seems not much time has passed since then, when we'd spend countless hours walking the park in York, Nebraska, but at the same time it feels worlds away. Now I know things I never planned on knowing like the theme songs to all of the most prominant super heroes, and the names of building trucks like loaders and cherry pickers, dump trucks and cement mixers, which play an active part in our daily lives.
It doesn't seem like I should have a four-year-old. But then again it seems completely impossible not to have him. I love listening to him when he doesn't think I'm listening, like in the car. He talks to himself, relives conversations that we've had or that he's heard in school with character voices and all kinds of drama. Yesterday, he was saying, "No, no Hannah!" in the back seat of the car. I asked who Hannah was. He told me she was a girl at school, but that she was in a different class. This morning I knew exactly who Hannah was when I heard a teacher scolding her and telling her to get back in line. They really are listening ALL THE TIME!
Many days after school i let him change into "play clothes," clothes that aren't school uniform. He has taken on this tendancy, probably from me, that his clothes have to match. He refused to wear his favorite "number twelve" pants because we couldn't find the "number twelve" shirt. Then he saw one of his jumpsuits, you know those sweats that have matching sweat tops... they look like little running suits, any ways... he was thrilled when he discovered that he found something that matched. "I'll wear these, mom!" he exclaimed excitedly and bounced on his bed to pull them on.
He's always making me laugh about something... many times when I shouldn't be laughing. Its a known fact that laughing when you aren't suppose to is ten times more fun than when its expected, like in church, or in my case when I'm trying to be stern and disciplining my child. He's had so many potty accidents that it has become routine to go in the bathroom and get him cleaned up. Its incredibly hard not to giggle when he starts singing while I'm trying to get him cleaned up, or when he turns to me like nothing is going on and says "I love you," or something silly.
Saturday, that silly boy will hold up four fingers instead of three when you ask him his age, and there will be four candles on his DUMP TRUCK cake, but part of me will always see that baby, my first that was born on the 25th of September.

Changes

I'm sitting in the car listening to Owen's deep breathing as he sleeps comfotably clutching his stuffed animal buddies in his car seat. Today is so unlike the past week; there are actually fluffy cumulus nimbus clouds in the foreground of a beautiful bright blue sky. What a contrast and a gift compared to the last grey and rainy days.
I just dropped Martin off at his new job. Yes, he started working at a boys rehabilitation home last week! We're are both excited about it, not just because he is now out of a place that caused him much stress, but also for the potential here to really play a part in changing young boys lives. It seems it was meant to be. I'm looking forward to hearing all about what goes on there and I know he is going to enjoy it.
With all of the recent changes to our schedule, I'm just trying to hang on and keep going. It's a little crazy I have to admit, getting out the door for pre-school in the morning, then coming back a few hours later (usually with a cranky toddler), and also with MArtin's new unsettled schedule. We're staying afloat though, and all of these changes are truly for the better.

Uh oh... Owen caught me... He's waking up now. No more computer time.