Real, True, Ugly, Love

(The boys coloring Valentines together)!

We are all thinking about love this month as the red hearts of Valentines day bombard us everywhere we go. But what is real love? This holiday makes it confusing for some, frustrating for others, and well some of us just "go with it." When I think about love, it is a growing part of me. I can look back and see different stages, they repeat themselves, because I now see some of those same stages in my kids. Here are a few things I have learned about love...

Misconception:

Love is Pretty. Especially around Valentines Day, love is perceived as this beautiful, easy thing. There are flowers everywhere, people overspend just to make an impression, and there is the illusion of living in a Hollywood love affair.

So... Love is not pretty. It took me a while to realize this. It isn't just the day you get flowers. Real love is there for the ugliest parts of life. The day when you can wipe your Love's bottom because they can't do it anymore, and still kiss them everyday.... well that's what I call ugly Real True Love.

Maybe that's not something you've thought about, or even something you want. Maybe you like the illusion. Ten years ago, that was enough for me. But now I'm so thankful that I've found true love, ugly love, and it's sticking with me forever. I hope that when things get ugly and hard that I will be able to do whatever I need to for the love of my life.

Truth:

Love is simple. Just like every great gift in life, I believe love at it's best is pure simplicity. It's easy to see when you look through the eyes of a child. My boys amaze me sometimes when they look at me that way. Often I feel undeserving. Their love is innocence. It is pure. They don't usually have a reason for telling me that they love me, they just do. See: simple. When you love someone there shouldn't be strings attached, conditions to be carried out, love is simply love.

Love is still an amazing concept to me. Even though it's simple, it's depth is fascinating. Why we love, how we love, who we love, and why we are loved are all stirring around in my head. God gives us amazing abilities and capacities to use this gift of loving others even when we are ugly or ugly to each other. And after we've confused ourselves with the meaning of love, God reminds us that he made it simple, love one another deeply from the heart.

Corny Valentines

Martin and I are the kind of couple that other couples call corny. We've danced at restaurants where there isn't dancing. We give each other hand-made presents. And yes, more than once a year someone is served breakfast in bed.
I was thinking about Valentines Day today... how could I avoid it? We've never been able to do anything "big" for any holiday really, especially not one that doesn't require traveling to see family or a day off from work. About a month ago, I decided that this year we were going to do something. I didn't know exactly what, and I knew yet again not much money could be put towards it, so I told Martin, "We can each spend ten dollars on each other. Do whatever you want, but you can't spend more than that." It may seem silly, setting aside ten dollars, and you may be wondering, what can you do with ten dollars? Well I'm not about to tell you that I did some surprising wonderful, magical thing with my ten dollars because that's not really the point. It could have been one dollar, I just wanted to be allowed the freedom to do something.

Love is often expressed without monetary means at all. Our first Valentines Day as a couple, we weren't even able to spend together. We had been dating for eight months. I was a senior in high school and he was away at college. I sent him a poem that I had rolled up and stuffed into a abstract looking bottle. But of course I couldn't leave it plain, (here comes the frosting of corniness) I had to decoupage pictures and love quotes all over the outside of the bottle and tie ribbons around the mouth of the bottle near the cork. It was a work of art, and symbol of my love for him!
So as I thought about what I wanted to do with my ten dollars, about a thousand things came to mind... many of them however, required a babysitter (a major difference between Valentines passed and now). I thought of taking a long stroll downtown with two hot cups of coffee and pumpkin scones. I thought of buying some fabric paint and making him a t-shirt that would read: "Thief" on the front and "you stole my heart" on the back... I know... corny. But he wouldn't care, he would have worn it proudly and he probably would have even made people read it, telling them that his wife had made it for him.
That's just us. We're not the couple who does extravagant things in order to impress each other, or out-do one another. We know our love is real. Valentines Day is really just another day. I like to think of it as an excuse or a reminder to show each other our love. It's a big blinking red heart saying, "be grateful for the love in your life, and don't forget to share some in return!"
Yes, I did finally decide what to do for him. It's nothing big or flashy, and you know exactly how much I spent on it. It's corny... and he's going to love it!