Reflections

The thing about having a lot of time alone is that it gives me too much time to think. This can be a good thing, but sometimes in the world of thoughts it is dangerous. On our own, what we think to be true may not be true at all, and living so internally isn't healthy. Some days this causes me to believe the negative twisted thoughts my mind has created, that I am worthless, hopeless, and life is meaningless. what a pit of despair! And of course all of those things would be true without Jesus.
With that realization I kind of have to smack myself in the face and say, "wake up!" Because I know if I let myself, my whole life could pass me by. I could miss everything if I let myself believe the lies.
All this reflection has made me see how ungrateful I've been. Yes, it's been a rough year, not just for me but for thousands. I've seen so many ups and downs this year it's made me dizzy. I miss my friends, my family, my "normal" life...whatever that is. But along the way I have missed some things- some really great things that I won't ever get back.
I never know when it's going to be a rough day. In fact every day I can pretty count on being challenging, but the great thing is with embracing that challenge I can find joy again.
A few nights ago it hit me hard. It had been a long day. elijah took a late nap, which meant he'd have an even later bedtime, and Owen woke up from already being in bed at around 8:30. I held Owen on the couch. He laid his head on my shoulder, just wanting to be held, I think. Elijah sat at the table coloring in his favorite Lightning Mcqueen coloring set. It was a moment, one I had imagined and dreamed of finding full of peace and joy and budding with contentment. I embraced it. After all how long had it been since Owen wanted to sit still long enough to cuddle? and elijah almost never sticks with one activity longer than twenty minutes. This was bliss. I had both of my beautiful children happy and glowing right within reach.

I don't want to miss anything else. I want to always act out of love and accept my circumstances instead of fighting them. Life is moving always faster than we can keep up with it, but for now I'm tired of the race. I'm simply ready to embrace my moments- whatever they may be.

Today, count your blessings with me. I'm sure your day will be better when you do!

Corny Valentines

Martin and I are the kind of couple that other couples call corny. We've danced at restaurants where there isn't dancing. We give each other hand-made presents. And yes, more than once a year someone is served breakfast in bed.
I was thinking about Valentines Day today... how could I avoid it? We've never been able to do anything "big" for any holiday really, especially not one that doesn't require traveling to see family or a day off from work. About a month ago, I decided that this year we were going to do something. I didn't know exactly what, and I knew yet again not much money could be put towards it, so I told Martin, "We can each spend ten dollars on each other. Do whatever you want, but you can't spend more than that." It may seem silly, setting aside ten dollars, and you may be wondering, what can you do with ten dollars? Well I'm not about to tell you that I did some surprising wonderful, magical thing with my ten dollars because that's not really the point. It could have been one dollar, I just wanted to be allowed the freedom to do something.

Love is often expressed without monetary means at all. Our first Valentines Day as a couple, we weren't even able to spend together. We had been dating for eight months. I was a senior in high school and he was away at college. I sent him a poem that I had rolled up and stuffed into a abstract looking bottle. But of course I couldn't leave it plain, (here comes the frosting of corniness) I had to decoupage pictures and love quotes all over the outside of the bottle and tie ribbons around the mouth of the bottle near the cork. It was a work of art, and symbol of my love for him!
So as I thought about what I wanted to do with my ten dollars, about a thousand things came to mind... many of them however, required a babysitter (a major difference between Valentines passed and now). I thought of taking a long stroll downtown with two hot cups of coffee and pumpkin scones. I thought of buying some fabric paint and making him a t-shirt that would read: "Thief" on the front and "you stole my heart" on the back... I know... corny. But he wouldn't care, he would have worn it proudly and he probably would have even made people read it, telling them that his wife had made it for him.
That's just us. We're not the couple who does extravagant things in order to impress each other, or out-do one another. We know our love is real. Valentines Day is really just another day. I like to think of it as an excuse or a reminder to show each other our love. It's a big blinking red heart saying, "be grateful for the love in your life, and don't forget to share some in return!"
Yes, I did finally decide what to do for him. It's nothing big or flashy, and you know exactly how much I spent on it. It's corny... and he's going to love it!