Gotta Have a PICKLE!!!

I'm actually now 16 weeks, but wanted to update anyways. I am growing so much faster with this third baby! I can't believe I already have this round tummy popping out!!!

Sunday I definitely felt the baby move a few times. It wasn't "hmmm... that could have been something," it was, "whoa... yeah that was a little human inside me making it's presence known." For me that is one of the most joyful parts of pregnancy, especially in this early stage when the movements aren't yet kicks or rolls or acrobat moves. We were in the car when it first happened and I looked over to tell Martin with the biggest smile. He told me I was glowing and it was good to see me so happy.

And I am so happy. Even though so far everyday is a challenge trying to be mom of two of the busiest little guys around, and take care of myself, and well forget the house. I did vacuum today though and got some laundry put away, so that should count for something right? Martin has been my hero all along. He is just great that way. He keeps up on the dishes mostly. Last night I actually watched him fold two baskets of laundry and put everything away while I had a snack. Amazing, right!

Pickles really are awesome. I'm not really a pickle fanatic, but now I finally get the craze of a pregnant woman needing some pickles. Yesterday I stopped at Jimmy Johns and they sell huge pickles... you can actually go through the drive through and order just a pickle! I got a veggie sandwich too, but how awesomely amazing and convenient is that?! Now I kinda want one...

Part of me wishes pregnancy didn't take so long. I am already so anxious to meet this little person growing inside me and introduce him/her to the rest of the fam. I love hearing the boy's add the baby into our life when we are going about our day and talking about things. Today Owen mentioned that we would bring the new baby to the beach to have a picnic with us. (They are both anxious for the beach and picnics... Elijah said he wants his Great Grandma to come and make a pie, because she makes the best pies). They also will periodically kiss my belly or Owen will give me a kiss (he likes to hand out his kisses rather than actually kiss your cheek) and say this one you can save for baby. They will both be such great big brothers to this new little one!

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand"

Is there a way to do this "mom" thing in slow-motion? Owen and are are listening to the Beattles (lullaby version- I know, cool right?) while he is making his boy noises, playing with army trucks, jets, cars and, army guys. I love the way the morning light brightens up our living room. So far it has been a fairly pleasant morning. I'm even drinking my fav. Toffee Nut latte from Starbucks, which I got only because I had to stop at Target. Did you know you could use Target gift cards at the in-store Starbucks? Yep. Nice!

So last week I bought a Luna bar there, just to try it out because I was starving... Chocolate dipped coconut...Mmm! Anyways, I've been craving them all week, so today I bought a whole week's worth so I'll have some for snacking on the go! Incredibly delicious, really! (fyi- if you haven't heard of Luna Bars, they are great bars for women with calcium, folic acid, vitamin D, iron, extra protein, and fiber. My other favorite is the Lemon Zest one)!

On our way in, Owen told me, "I don't want to get in the cart this time, I'll just hold your hand." Since we were only getting a few things, I agreed. And surprisingly it was a very pleasant and easy shopping trip. I'm crediting it to the fact that I only had one little person to look after. This would have never work had Elijah been with us. It seems I can't get through a trip to the store without stern looks, and a few good threats. You know what I'm talking about... you say disruptive child's name with corresponding look of death, the next offense comes with this kind of phrase, "If you don't stop that I'm going to..." And if you actually remember everything you came into the store for and leave without a headache and all of your purchases, it's a miracle!

However, managing just one child is an entire different experience. Owen and I walked hand-in-hand in the store. He actually listened and did a very good job for a three year old at not touching everything. yay! I'm so thankful that the kids aren't spaced too close together, because I get to have moments everyday with them one on one, which is such a blessing. When Owen is napping, Elijah and I get our time together. Lately we've been really working on reading. He is doing really well with A Beka's "Handbook for Reading." It's so fun seeing him get excited about his own achievements, especially reading! He's blending and reading short vowel, small words! He's also learned a few sight words! I'm so proud of him!

One of the funniest things lately is the way the boys imagine things. Their new favorite thing is "what if." It's usually something really bizarre like, "Mommy, what if my fork was as tall, or even taller than our house and it could knock over buildings and huge monsters!?" or, "What if I was a big dinosaur and I smashed our house and ate everyone?" They are so funny! These ideas just come out randomly, but I welcome them because who doesn't love to imagine what might be possible, and they just make me laugh.

An Afternoon Nap... and ramblings

I can't believe both of my boys are asleep right now... at the same time in the middle of the afternoon. On this rare occasion I feel like I should be doing something more valuable than blogging and looking around online. Elijah almost never takes a nap. Valentines Day at school must have really worn him out. I had a special bear sent to him with candy and a note and he is cuddled up with it on the couch asleep. I found him that way after I had put Owen down for his nap.


It's a nice break. I haven't even made lunch yet, which reminds me there is nothing to eat anyways. I'm in some kind of weird cycle. We have no ingredients to make anything, yet going to the grocery store feels overwhelming right now, so I keep putting it off, maybe grabbing something here or there or eating out. Not good. I know. I need some real food. Today I was wishing Jamba Juice had a drive through. Who really wants to lug two kids inside for a smoothie which they will probably beg for as well? Plus Owen had already fallen asleep in the car before we got home. Uhg. I didn't realize it was going to be so challenging being pregnant the third time around.

Everyone knows the first time is pretty easy. You have no one to worry about except for yourself. You can eat right, rest, and do all of those "by the book" sort of things. For me, baby number two was more challenging of course because I had a toddler to take care of and resting only happened when Sesame Street or other cartoons were on. But still no one was in school yet, and I stayed home all day long. Now things are drastically different. On school days, which I've now limited to three days a week since I just couldn't handle it and it's only pre-school, we are here and there and the morning feels so exhausting. This morning I cried so much I didn't think I would make it out the door. I don't remember being this emotional the last time. I'm also at that weird stage where I don't look pregnant yet, just chubby. Really, it's not belly people, it's baby! Then again, I haven't exactly refused cookies, cake or ice cream recently.

Thursday is my first appointment with my midwife! yahoo! I can't wait to see her again. She delivered Owen and I had a great experience. Now I'm about 12 weeks and ready to hear this little ones heartbeat!

Sometimes You Just Gotta Break Out In Song And Dance

When you're a busy mom, it's easy to forget some of your "loves," of just miss them because you don't have the time for them anymore. This morning I woke up and just felt like singing. I sang in the shower... I turned on what Elijah and I call "our song," (Which is "I gotta feelin' by the Black Eyed Peas). We sang and danced in the living room while daddy was making breakfast and Owen was building with Elijah's Lego's. I sang lots of extra songs at nap time for Owen until he was completely out of it, and then I held him a little longer feeling that him growing so fast was just impossible. For a moment he felt little again, not three. He felt like my baby.


After that, Elijah and I turned on some more favorites and sang and danced some more. Oh how I have missed it! I used to sing a lot more. I guess it's different when you don't have any formal kind of singing... meaning being part of a choir or group. I miss that, the joy of learning a new song and harmonizing. Ahhh... those days were fun. Now our singing is a little different. We sing in the car a lot, and daddy likes to sing too! That's kind of how we met, but that's a different story.


I miss other things too, like being able to get "messy creative." I can't leave my projects out like I used to. I used to paint and experiment with artsy things. Putting everything back where it goes takes away part of the fun of being free and creative. I've dreamt about a white room just for making creative messes. Wouldn't that be great? You could paint the walls and ceilings and have a continuous mural... I would love that. Maybe someday when the kids are older and we have a house with an extra room or shed... that could happen. They have no way of escaping crafts, even if they are boys. I will always want to do projects and make things of stuff we were going to throw out, etc.

Yesterday Elijah and I made puppets out of macaroni boxes covered with felt and other craft supplies. They turned out really cute and he even put on a puppet show...so sweet!


I guess my "loves" will never leave me and I will come back to them in different ways. Sometimes I miss my old self who had time to sing and dedicate time to hobbies, but she will return... soon I hope.

Real, True, Ugly, Love

(The boys coloring Valentines together)!

We are all thinking about love this month as the red hearts of Valentines day bombard us everywhere we go. But what is real love? This holiday makes it confusing for some, frustrating for others, and well some of us just "go with it." When I think about love, it is a growing part of me. I can look back and see different stages, they repeat themselves, because I now see some of those same stages in my kids. Here are a few things I have learned about love...

Misconception:

Love is Pretty. Especially around Valentines Day, love is perceived as this beautiful, easy thing. There are flowers everywhere, people overspend just to make an impression, and there is the illusion of living in a Hollywood love affair.

So... Love is not pretty. It took me a while to realize this. It isn't just the day you get flowers. Real love is there for the ugliest parts of life. The day when you can wipe your Love's bottom because they can't do it anymore, and still kiss them everyday.... well that's what I call ugly Real True Love.

Maybe that's not something you've thought about, or even something you want. Maybe you like the illusion. Ten years ago, that was enough for me. But now I'm so thankful that I've found true love, ugly love, and it's sticking with me forever. I hope that when things get ugly and hard that I will be able to do whatever I need to for the love of my life.

Truth:

Love is simple. Just like every great gift in life, I believe love at it's best is pure simplicity. It's easy to see when you look through the eyes of a child. My boys amaze me sometimes when they look at me that way. Often I feel undeserving. Their love is innocence. It is pure. They don't usually have a reason for telling me that they love me, they just do. See: simple. When you love someone there shouldn't be strings attached, conditions to be carried out, love is simply love.

Love is still an amazing concept to me. Even though it's simple, it's depth is fascinating. Why we love, how we love, who we love, and why we are loved are all stirring around in my head. God gives us amazing abilities and capacities to use this gift of loving others even when we are ugly or ugly to each other. And after we've confused ourselves with the meaning of love, God reminds us that he made it simple, love one another deeply from the heart.

No More Monkeys Getting Out of Bed!!!

It's nearly nine and both boys are in bed. It took a lot tonight to get them there, not really because they are difficult, but because I lack the needed energy and patience it takes. Today was Owen's third birthday! Wow what a big boy! We had a lot of fun, but I am thoroughly worn out and Martin, my love isn't here to rub my feet. (yes, he does that on a regular basis- I know spoiled). I didn't make any dinner... no one mentioned needing it. We watched the new Winnie the Pooh movie that Owen got for his birthday, and I snuggled down on the end of the couch with them and dosed off here and there.
Oh yes, I almost forgot- before that there was bouts of weepiness... what is it about being pregnant that turns me into this irrational cry -er? I felt bad that the boys had to comfort me. Owen kept saying, "It's okay mommy," and offering me different favorite stuffed animals that were sure to "make me feel better." Surprisingly, Elijah was less sensitive than usual about be crying. It was kind of like... oh yeah she does that... now let's watch our movie.

Owen had a late nap due to the party, and with no dinner of course was hungry after the movie ended at 7:30 (half an hour after regular bedtime). What could I do, send birthday boy to bed with an empty tummy just because the thought of making any food turned nauseated me? Nope, not allowed... although he settled for snack-ish things so I was satisfied. I had his teeth brushed, potty taken care of, story read, song sung, and boy tucked in a little after eight. Then I thought I hot shower sounded nice. And it was! However guess who was waiting by his door for me when I came out? yep silly monkey number two! Back to bed, one more song, okay make it two... and another bathroom trip, since at this point I am encouraging all pleas to go potty, and a search for winnie the pooh to snuggle with.... Then very calmly I said, "goodnight, I love you, If you get out of your bed again I'll have to give you a spanking."

The house is quiet now. Not in a comforting way, though. The balloons from the party keep lightly rubbing or tapping against the wall from the vent blowing air on them.

If you were wondering how Elijah got to sleep... well he's got the routine down. He gets to look at a book on his own while I sing and tuck Owen in. Sometimes he falls asleep even before I get to tuck him in, but he is my big helper. And he's great at following the rules we have set for bedtime.

Those silly boys keep me smiling. Sometimes even when I want to be mad at them I just can't. Like when I went back in Owen's room after my shower and he kept playing with my hair and asking me questions about it. Part of me wanted to tell him to stop talking so he could go to sleep, but the other part of me just wanted to listen forever to his little inquiries. "How did your hair get like this? It's spiky. Did you pour water on it?" then he pretended to pour water on his head. "I made mine spiky too."

When Neurons Collide

Do you ever wonder what your mind looks like from the inside? I don't mean the physiological parts of the brain, but if you could walk around inside your thoughts, what would they look like? I imagine my mind like a wide open space with clear blue skies and lots of plush green grass for running and never getting winded. Lately though I feel my thoughts are feathers blowing around in the wind open space and I can't quite catch them when I want to. These feathers keep me up when I should be sleeping; sometimes they lead me on a bunny trail from one incomplete thought to the next. I forget what I was about to do, or I experience that "I know I was on to something... but what was it?" kind of thought. Could it be the "pregnancy brain mushiness," or am I just wound too tightly?


I've always liked daydreaming... getting lost in that open space where anything can happen. I guess sometimes it's a way of not facing reality, escaping the things we don't want to deal with and replacing them with something more pleasant. Reading fiction is kind of like that too. I love getting lost in a book, temporarily not being the "responsible" adult I am suppose to be, and following someone else's journey through love or heroism.

Lots has happened this week, so I'll do a little summing up.

This week's "notables:"

Parenting is a lot more trial and error than I ever expected. Although, I had my own personal breakthrough with Elijah I think, yesterday. He doesn't respond to a lot of traditional shall we say, punishments. Sometimes he reminds me of a little adult. So I have found the easiest way to handle his misbehaviors is with natural consequences, and a calm understanding voice. I will admit to yelling, which gets everyone nowhere. So, yesterday Elijah decided to write on the bathroom wall with a pen. I didn't notice it right away, but when I did... I calmly asked him if he had written on the wall, he admitted it. Amazingly I didn't over-react, but told him he would clean it up. Guess what, he did with no problems! (note: mix baking soda with a little water to make a paste and scrub with an old toothbrush... I have found this to be the best method... and yes this is not his first offense).

Owen is turning three next Saturday! I can't believe he's not my baby anymore. We're planning a circus themed party for him... it will be lots of fun! He's so excited, anytime we talk about it being his birthday soon, he has to say, "My Circus Birthday!"

I hate for this to be a "notable," but I also can't go on without mentioning my Grandpa's passing last Sunday. It still doesn't seem real, and I'm not sure how I am suppose to feel about it. No one can really prepare you for this kind of thing. It is hardest seeing the pain my mom is going through and not being able to make her feel better. She has always been the "rock" of the family, the reliable, responsible and I hate that she has to deal with all the arrangements as she is mourning. A few things about my Grandpa...

He loved strawberry ice cream. He knew how to cook anything in the microwave. He was an amazing craftsman. He used to make intricate Christmas ornaments for us shaped like 3-D octagons. He also perfected many woodwork projects, my mom has some of the bookshelves that he made in her house, that are beautifully carved and built. He kept his "temple" healthy, going for walks every day and surprising lifting weights! He always cared about our health too, and our interests. When I wanted to take a correspondence course for writing Children's literature, he helped me pay for it. He also helped Martin and I purchase the house we now live in. The bank required our debt to income ratio to be lower than it was, meaning we had to pay off one of Martin's student loans. Yikes... Grandpa came through and covered what we couldn't. He always made sure the people he loved were taken care of. What surprised me most about him was he way he took care of my Grandma all of these years even though they have been divorced since my mom was thirteen. There are so many things I appreciate about him, and he will be missed.

Death sometimes makes us think of the way we should be living. I know one of the best things I can do is show gratitude in every way. It is a small thing that has a great power. For we are not simply flesh and bones, nerves, and neurons, but we are souls that need nourished. When I think about others as souls around me, it changes my heart and my perspective. I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve and showing gratitude to others is a small way to bless their soul and to transform mine a little more each day. If I started my list of gratitude here, it would reach to the moon, but I do plan to tell some people how much they mean to me. It's important to say things out loud even when it feels awkward and corny.

I am probably most thankful for my loving hubby. He helps in so many ways. Especially now, when I am such a mess... I cry at least once a day because of the pregnancy hormones, and he just holds me and tells me it's going to be all right. We've worked out some teamwork with the housework too, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. He unloads the dishwasher before he goes to work most mornings, and I load it up during the day and run it every night. He tries to help with whatever else I need too. He is so wonderful, and I know God sent him to me! Thanks honey for putting up with me!