When Moms Breathe

Something crazy and unpredictable happens to me everyday. It takes some getting used to. Most days I still fight it. Really? This can't be happening! I don't want to deal with messes and catastrophes every other minute... who does. But I'm learning to accept that it's just part of the job.
Some weeks, like last week, so much happened that I barely had a moment to absorb it, to sit down and say, "wow that was awful, but things are going to be okay." (Yes I talk to myself on a regular basis).
First it was a batch of chocolate chip cookies that someone just had to help with, which turned out edible, but... interesting. Then it was the blood-curdling scream that stopped my heart and rushed us to the urgent care for seven stitches in my four year olds forehead. *aaahhhhhh* still not fully recovered from that incident- that's not supposed to happen to my kid- I'm supposed to be able to keep him safe... right? Then it was on with our normal schedule... well there's really nothing normal about it. Changing Elijah's soaked through sheets - everyday... daddy zooming in and out and having his weekend in the middle of our week and sleeping when were playing. Then there was the grocery store incident, well I shouldn't really call it an incident because every grocery trip is like this... ya know one wants to pull the groceries out of the cart and throw them on the floor or eat the grocery list, the other wants to ride on the cart like its a rocket, there's screaming, pleas for this or that, and ultimately one of us leaves the store crying, last week there were two of us crying because I forgot to bring the right card in my wallet to purchase the groceries and had to put them on the account that has no money in it. (thankfully, my wonderful husband went back to the store later that day and the groceries charged to the right account).
Sometimes I wonder, when will I feel in control again? When will life slow down? But the truth is, that's not really what I want. This morning, Owen got up early as usual, long before the sun. "Watch Ice Skating Mommy?" he said. We laid on the couch. No, Ice Skating wasn't on. He was remembering yesterday when we'd watched it together. A few minutes passed with him chattering away... "Go give Wije Kiss?" (Wije is what he calls big brother). "No Lijah's sleeping still." I told him. Then the alarm went off. "Have Wogurt(yogurt), Mommy?" "Okay, let's have yogurt." We turned the lights on, soon his face was covered with vanilla yogurt and so were his hands. When Elijah got up he gave me a big hug and a kiss and with a smile said, "I love you mommy."
Okay, I don't care that I have to change diapers and sheets, wipe noses and bottoms and give up the predictability I once valued. These boys love so easily and so simply, it just warms my heart to look at them.

The Glamourous Life

Last week, Owen found an unopened copy of Glamour magazine in my bedroom. I used to be a subscriber a few years ago, I guess I just never got around to opening that issue. Anyways, one day when both boys were taking their rest time, I decided to flip though it. There were almost a hundred fashion ideas on how to use things from your own closet and re-create them, the usual beauty tips, etc.
In that short time, I was transported back in time to when those things consumed most of my day. I used to paint my nails a new color every week, fix my hair in new creative ways, and look forward to planning a cute out fit each and every day.
Things are different now. I probably paint my nails twice a year. And lately, doing my hair consists of throwing on my favorite hat. I'm not saying I'm dis-satisfied, actually I think I've adapted quite well considering how important thosse things used to be. But then again, as I flipped through those colorful glossy pages, I thought, "Oh yeah, this stuff used to be fun."
Now that Owen is nearly two, I'm in sort of a transitional phase. I really could do some of those things, it just takes some planning. He's not completely dependant on me the way he used to be... I get regular showers now, and sleep. I guess I have to admit... he's really not a baby anymore. That's hard for me to say. It's hard for me to move on to the "next part" I guess. He talks now... he understands so much, and catches on to things that don't seem possible. I was watching the movie "the Holiday" (one of my favs) and he was playing in the living room with me. Well there's a scene where one of the characters says, "Oh My Gosh!" so what do you think my almost two year old said for the next five minutes? yep. It was funny and a little disturbing a the same time. I guess I can't watch non-kid movies when he's awake anymore.
I do understand my reality... life isn't ever going to be "glamourous," but that doesn't mean it can't be fun.
Guess what? I painted my nails last night- "purple rain" oh yeah... I'm ready for fun!