When Moms Breathe

Something crazy and unpredictable happens to me everyday. It takes some getting used to. Most days I still fight it. Really? This can't be happening! I don't want to deal with messes and catastrophes every other minute... who does. But I'm learning to accept that it's just part of the job.
Some weeks, like last week, so much happened that I barely had a moment to absorb it, to sit down and say, "wow that was awful, but things are going to be okay." (Yes I talk to myself on a regular basis).
First it was a batch of chocolate chip cookies that someone just had to help with, which turned out edible, but... interesting. Then it was the blood-curdling scream that stopped my heart and rushed us to the urgent care for seven stitches in my four year olds forehead. *aaahhhhhh* still not fully recovered from that incident- that's not supposed to happen to my kid- I'm supposed to be able to keep him safe... right? Then it was on with our normal schedule... well there's really nothing normal about it. Changing Elijah's soaked through sheets - everyday... daddy zooming in and out and having his weekend in the middle of our week and sleeping when were playing. Then there was the grocery store incident, well I shouldn't really call it an incident because every grocery trip is like this... ya know one wants to pull the groceries out of the cart and throw them on the floor or eat the grocery list, the other wants to ride on the cart like its a rocket, there's screaming, pleas for this or that, and ultimately one of us leaves the store crying, last week there were two of us crying because I forgot to bring the right card in my wallet to purchase the groceries and had to put them on the account that has no money in it. (thankfully, my wonderful husband went back to the store later that day and the groceries charged to the right account).
Sometimes I wonder, when will I feel in control again? When will life slow down? But the truth is, that's not really what I want. This morning, Owen got up early as usual, long before the sun. "Watch Ice Skating Mommy?" he said. We laid on the couch. No, Ice Skating wasn't on. He was remembering yesterday when we'd watched it together. A few minutes passed with him chattering away... "Go give Wije Kiss?" (Wije is what he calls big brother). "No Lijah's sleeping still." I told him. Then the alarm went off. "Have Wogurt(yogurt), Mommy?" "Okay, let's have yogurt." We turned the lights on, soon his face was covered with vanilla yogurt and so were his hands. When Elijah got up he gave me a big hug and a kiss and with a smile said, "I love you mommy."
Okay, I don't care that I have to change diapers and sheets, wipe noses and bottoms and give up the predictability I once valued. These boys love so easily and so simply, it just warms my heart to look at them.