Reflections

The thing about having a lot of time alone is that it gives me too much time to think. This can be a good thing, but sometimes in the world of thoughts it is dangerous. On our own, what we think to be true may not be true at all, and living so internally isn't healthy. Some days this causes me to believe the negative twisted thoughts my mind has created, that I am worthless, hopeless, and life is meaningless. what a pit of despair! And of course all of those things would be true without Jesus.
With that realization I kind of have to smack myself in the face and say, "wake up!" Because I know if I let myself, my whole life could pass me by. I could miss everything if I let myself believe the lies.
All this reflection has made me see how ungrateful I've been. Yes, it's been a rough year, not just for me but for thousands. I've seen so many ups and downs this year it's made me dizzy. I miss my friends, my family, my "normal" life...whatever that is. But along the way I have missed some things- some really great things that I won't ever get back.
I never know when it's going to be a rough day. In fact every day I can pretty count on being challenging, but the great thing is with embracing that challenge I can find joy again.
A few nights ago it hit me hard. It had been a long day. elijah took a late nap, which meant he'd have an even later bedtime, and Owen woke up from already being in bed at around 8:30. I held Owen on the couch. He laid his head on my shoulder, just wanting to be held, I think. Elijah sat at the table coloring in his favorite Lightning Mcqueen coloring set. It was a moment, one I had imagined and dreamed of finding full of peace and joy and budding with contentment. I embraced it. After all how long had it been since Owen wanted to sit still long enough to cuddle? and elijah almost never sticks with one activity longer than twenty minutes. This was bliss. I had both of my beautiful children happy and glowing right within reach.

I don't want to miss anything else. I want to always act out of love and accept my circumstances instead of fighting them. Life is moving always faster than we can keep up with it, but for now I'm tired of the race. I'm simply ready to embrace my moments- whatever they may be.

Today, count your blessings with me. I'm sure your day will be better when you do!

The Long Way Home

We live about twenty minutes out of town, at least the town where I prefer to do most of my outings. That gives me two options, the freeway, or the long back, country road. Most of the time I take the freeway to wherever we are going, the grocery store, church, grandma’s house. But I like to take the long way home.
Today, after church, I grabbed my favorite white mocha freeze at Dutch Bros, and headed home on the long country road. My two boys were babbling and giggling with each other in the backseat, Elijah stretching his arm out attempting to place a sticker on his brother’s face. They love each other so much! I simply smiled to myself in the rear view mirror ready to enjoy the next twenty minutes.
There is something freeing about driving out in the open where you can see outstretched plains reaching to far away purple mountains topped with snow. We pass cows and horses, even goats roaming in their very own pasture, just as God intended. It is then that I feel, just for a moment, that everything is right and as it should be. I roll the window down and let the breeze fluster my hair a little. Then a voice from the backseat says, “I want my window down too, mommy!” “All right, just a little,” I say. Elijah tells me how many horses were in the meadow out his window. I smile with pride, wonder, and amazement – this boy is growing up too quickly.
A few minutes later, near the half-way mark of getting home, the chatting, giggling and babbling ceases. I look behind me to see two zonked out boys, heads loose- faces angelic. The vault of my heart snaps a picture, so I can remember this moment forever.

The next ten minutes of my drive are just for me. I finish sipping my perfect drink, and think about my life. My struggles, my victories, and thoughts of the future flutter through my mind with new hope in these few minutes of perfect peace. The sun is peeking through the clouds resplendently.