Cake and a Good Movie

First of all, I have to apoligize for my last blog; it was a little whiny. So to all of you who read it, thanks for bearing with me. And of course, I did have a wonderful birthday, despite my negative expectations.
Yesterday my mom took me out shopping and bought me a lovely birthday sweater dress and matching accessories! Thanks mom, you are amazing! Oh yeah, and the coffee lifted my day too!
Today I got to wear the planned birthday outfit, which looked mostly good, except I'm not completely satisfied with the way it accetuated my middle. For some reason I just can't seem to get those rolls to go away... any ways...
After church, I spent the day with my family. We had lunch together. Martin surprised me with a special desert- some fancy chocolate layered slice of heaven, complete with just the right amount of whipped cream and chocolate shavings to make it have that "I'm special appeal." He popped a candle in it and Elijah started the "happy birthday" song. That was one of my favorite parts... and when Elijah said, daddy's your friend, and my daddy."
My next surprise was a beautiful ivory coat from Martin. I'd tried it on about a month ago, and he remembered! It's so soft and the inside is like satin. Of course, this means I have to get rid of my red one that I bought last winter, but that's all right. It's actually a good thing because last winter I was fifteen pounds heavier, so now that coat doesn't quite fit right. Yay! Hopefully I can maintain my current weight. that's a dangerous staement heading into the holiday season.
After Martin presented the coat, we had to take a walk to really get a feel for it, so my parents watched the boys and we went out for coffee. It's been a wonderful day.
Now I'm twenty-five... does that mean I have to start acting like an adult? Like I know what I'm doing? ...because I don't. I still feel like the little girl excited for her birthday which always promises cake and a good movie.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I am so blessed and so loved.

Plan To Be Spontaneous!

I love summer mornings… when it is still cooler outside than it is inside, dew sparkles in the blades of grass that need mowing, and everything looks and feels fresh. Most of all I think I like the idea that I get to start anew myself. I don’t know what is in store for us (which used to scare me to death- living without a schedule that is). Now it is exciting just to be. We never know where we’ll end up or what we might get a chance to do that day, and I’m beginning to really embrace that.
Martin and I discovered a new phrase that seems to encompass our lives so completely, “Plan to be Spontaneous!” I love it! Of course my instinct is to plan, plan, plan until I’ve worked out every detail, but sometimes that really sucks all the fun out of life. I’m learning to let things go.
Each day holds so many possibilities. Elijah and I were discussing all of the fun things to do in summer this morning. His favorites were: mowing the lawn with daddy (he loves pushing his toy mower exactly in step with daddy- it is one of the cutest things ever), going to the library, getting ice cream, and going to the beach to build sand castles! The conversation started in the garage. He noticed our sled in the corner and wanted to go sledding! I prodded him with questions trying to get him to connect that it was entirely the wrong season for that. It fascinates me the way kids think, though. They see something they want to do… and what should stop them? Certainly not lack of snow!
Today I am thankful for so many things! I thank God for my boys who teach me more about life and myself than I would ever know without them; I thank God for my husband who constantly surprises me with love and care that I don’t deserve; and I thank God for seasons that come to us with such detail we will never understand it all. What a blessed life… what a Love He has for us!

Reflections

The thing about having a lot of time alone is that it gives me too much time to think. This can be a good thing, but sometimes in the world of thoughts it is dangerous. On our own, what we think to be true may not be true at all, and living so internally isn't healthy. Some days this causes me to believe the negative twisted thoughts my mind has created, that I am worthless, hopeless, and life is meaningless. what a pit of despair! And of course all of those things would be true without Jesus.
With that realization I kind of have to smack myself in the face and say, "wake up!" Because I know if I let myself, my whole life could pass me by. I could miss everything if I let myself believe the lies.
All this reflection has made me see how ungrateful I've been. Yes, it's been a rough year, not just for me but for thousands. I've seen so many ups and downs this year it's made me dizzy. I miss my friends, my family, my "normal" life...whatever that is. But along the way I have missed some things- some really great things that I won't ever get back.
I never know when it's going to be a rough day. In fact every day I can pretty count on being challenging, but the great thing is with embracing that challenge I can find joy again.
A few nights ago it hit me hard. It had been a long day. elijah took a late nap, which meant he'd have an even later bedtime, and Owen woke up from already being in bed at around 8:30. I held Owen on the couch. He laid his head on my shoulder, just wanting to be held, I think. Elijah sat at the table coloring in his favorite Lightning Mcqueen coloring set. It was a moment, one I had imagined and dreamed of finding full of peace and joy and budding with contentment. I embraced it. After all how long had it been since Owen wanted to sit still long enough to cuddle? and elijah almost never sticks with one activity longer than twenty minutes. This was bliss. I had both of my beautiful children happy and glowing right within reach.

I don't want to miss anything else. I want to always act out of love and accept my circumstances instead of fighting them. Life is moving always faster than we can keep up with it, but for now I'm tired of the race. I'm simply ready to embrace my moments- whatever they may be.

Today, count your blessings with me. I'm sure your day will be better when you do!