A little more of William's story

This time last year I was hoping and praying to be pregnant. In late September, Martin and I decided we would start trying for a third baby.  Just the thought of the possibility had me glowing! I'm one of those people who plans and organizes and makes lists etc... etc... So it's not surprising that I could mark up the calendar with ovulation dates and "golden" conception days.

I really wanted a July baby. I had made up my mind that July would be perfect. My teacher- mom would have a free schedule and she could come and help me with the new baby or take the big boys off my hands if I needed her to. I also liked the idea that there is absolutely no busyness in July. No other family birthdays (besides Grandma Laura and great Grandma Barbara), nothing is going on besides long, blissful, lazy summer days.

The months on either side of July, however, are particularly busy, and as luck would have it well it just wasn't my destiny to have a July baby. (even after I dreamed up the idea of having a baby with the opposite birthday as me... my birthday is 11-7, so I just thought... how cool would it be to have a baby born on 7-11?) Anyways... that didn't happen.

When we didn't get pregnant the first few times, a friend of mine told me I was just thinking about it too much and I needed to relax.  Who knew the mind could have so much influence on the body? Well, I finally stopped worrying about it and my body relaxed a bit. Getting pregnant for the third time was a big deal, but if it was meant to be God would make it so.

Although I had given it up to God, I was extremely excited and waited the very least mount of days possible before taking a pregnancy test. It was exactly one week before Christmas, a monday.
martin was still working nightshift on the weekends then, so on
mondays he would come home and sleep until the afternoon to let his body catch up, then he would try to switch over to our day schedule. I didn't have the patience to wait until he woke up to take the test. I had my moment all to myself for a little while. After seeing the positive test... well I just felt like my soul would burst!
I thanked God with teary eyes, and woke my husband to tell him the good news! I didn't even care that I would be due during one of the busiest months of our year : August!

  That night we wanted to do something special, so we went out to eat at Dockside and took Elijah and Owen on the Santa Cruise on Coeur d' Alene lake! It was such a celebration! We told them that there was a new baby growing inside mommy's tummy!

Christmastime will always hold this extra-special joy for me in addition to  the celebration we already share this time of year. I think of my little baby, finding out that my prayers had been answered, and that magical feeling of new life growing inside me for the very last time. 

Last year everyone was coming "home" for Christmas ( to my parents house, which still feels very much like home to me). My sister and brother and their families would all be there.  It would be the perfect time to tell everyone our good news while we are all gathered around... that was my original thought. A week wouldn't be too long to wait, except that it was. 

My sister, Jenny, knew that we were trying. We had talked about it many times on the phone and she warned me, "if you do get pregnant, you better not tell me over the phone!" So I thought, perfect... she's coming for Christmas, I can tell her then. Well Tuesday, the day after we had found out, I ended up telling my mom. We met at the mall to do dome shopping, and I just couldn't help it. We were in hallmark looking at the baby section, and she made some comment about not having any current babies in the family to get something for.  It was the perfect bait. ...Actually, you do! We're going to have another baby! I just found out yesterday!!!

We went by their house after shopping, and well, I had to tell my dad! I let Elijah share the good news. It was the funniest thing. He said, "Papa, guess what? My mommy's pregnant." And my dad didn't believe him! "What? really? I thought you guys were just going to have the two boys? Are you sure?" He really didn't believe us!
I was so excited after telling my parents that I thought, why not drive over to my brothers house and tell them in person since we had nothing else to do.  i called them and said we were coming over.  Then I realized I would have to tell Jenny over the phone because even more then being told over the phone, she would hate being told last! So I called her on the way to James' house.  "So I know you didn't want me to tell you over the phone, but..." and then at the same time we said it... well she said, "You're pregnant?!" and I said, "I'm pregnant!" I couldn't stop smiling! James claimed he knew as soon as we got there. He said he could tell that's what I was going to say!

I'm glad we told the news before Christmas; the excitement was still there on Christmas day without the anticipation of how to tell the whole group. It was fun letting everyone in on it this way and so soon after finding out.  We still kept friends out of the loop for a little while until I was further along.

And now, one year later, out little baby boy is nearly four months old! It has been such an amazing journey!

Come Baby, Come!

This will most likely be my last blog before I have baby William.  I was hoping to be holding him in my arms today, though really I'm not due for a couple more days, this past week has just been miserable.  The heat, the enormous belly preventing me from doing regular things, not to mention the extreme lower back pain, bizarre sleeping schedule, and yes crying at the drop of a hat or because the last pizza box just won't quite fit in the freezer! It all adds up to: Come Baby, Come! And so here I wait, wondering, hoping, and praying. Every little thing I take in to account, which probably isn't helping... the dull contractions that refuse to turn into a progressive pattern, every movement, and jult... maybe this is it. Not yet any ways.  You'd think I'd have this down, it is after all my third pregnancy! So I think back to my other two.

Elijah's Birth Story
I was pregnant with Elijah in the summer also; he was due at the end of September, and decided to drag it out an extra five days.  I don't remember feeling this anxious, people had told me that your first is always late, but I probably was.  The day he was born,  I woke up as usual with my hubby, took a shower, and sent him off to work. I had rented "The Cosby Show" as something to occupy my time while I waited, so I put that in and got comfortable (well as comfortable as a 40+ weeks pregnant woman can get on our "free" seventies-looking love seat).  Then I had to go pee... again, and that's when it happened.  My water broke while I was sitting on the toilet.  How convenient, right? I started timing and writing down the contractions and how long each one lasted.  Right away they were only 5-6 minutes apart, so I called Martin who hadn't even been at work a full hour.  It seemed to take forever for him to get home.  He did make one stop... he went to the store and bought me a huge bag of peanut butter M&Ms and a box of tissues... because of course every woman in labor can't survive without those two things.  Ummm... okay, thank you... now can we please go to the hospital?

When we finally got to our room in the hospital and the nurse checked me, I was dilated to 3cm.  She convinced me to get some kind of drug through an IV that would "take the edge off."  Oh no, it did nothing like that.  It only made me feel "weird" like I had a headache and kind of a dizzying feeling.  I also had an antibiotic  because I was Strep B positive.  The worst part was taking that IV around with me everywhere... to the bathroom, and then trying to get in the bath, which didn't work at all.  The nurse had asked me right away about getting prepped for an epidural, I agreed.  Although he didn't get there until I was at 7 centimeters! Getting that epidural was the hardest part because it seemed impossible to sit still during a contraction.  Martin stood in front of me holding both of my hands, while I tried breathing and holding still. He must have seen the needle or something because the next thing I knew, he was on the floor, three nurses had to help him up, put him in a chair and give him oxygen! Men, just aren't made for this stuff I guess!

After the epidural, everything was calm. I barely noticed the contractions.  Martin watched them on the monitor, "oh that was a big one." Not long after it was time to push.  Elijah was born at 1:30pm... just under seven hours after I put "The Cosby Show" on pause.

Owen's Birth Story
When I got pregnant the second time, a friend of mine told me about her experience with a midwife here in town.  My first thought was that it was nice for her, but she sounded a little crazy.  What, go through that pain without any help? She said she'd do it again just for the endorphins afterwards and the feeling of power and accomplishment.  Say-what? I had never heard anyone say that about childbirth.  As it turned out, we weren't covered on insurance for a baby at the time and couldn't get help any other way, and a midwife was a third of the cost of the hospital.  I got used to the idea very quickly. It wasn't that I was opposed to natural childbirth before, I just didn't think that I could do it. This place changed everything. It's a clinic that provides not only care , but classes and many other services.  Martin and I took a 6-week class together that really equipped us for what was to come.  I learned that I really was made to do this, and that knowledge gave me confidence that made all the difference.

This pregnancy was slightly different of course because I had a two-year old to look after, we were also living in someone else's home. The morning I started having contractions, I kept telling myself they were just more braxton hicks.  I knew the "real" ones would be much worse.  So I went about my day with toddler Elijah, having contractions here and there.  Then they did start to get worse. By nap time, I had to really focus to get through that storybook for him. Around 1pm, I called my doula (my professional labor aid/coach) just to see what she thought. "It's time to call Martin," she said. I also called my parents to come and pick up Elijah. I still wanted to stay at home as long as possible, so I continued to labor there for at least another hour before we went to the clinic.

When we finally did leave, my contractions we so bad that being in the car was almost unbearable, like being caged. Luckily the drive wasn't long. When we got there the lights were low, gentle music was playing, and my midwife and doula were both there ready to support me.  I spent some time on an exercise ball, bouncing and breathing while Martin and the doula took turns putting pressure on my back, massaging me, getting me water, etc.  My contractions were too close together for me to be checked and soon I was ready to get in the tub.  We had a planned water-birth because it is the best for both baby and mom.  It's the easiest transition, and I can't tell you how much that warm water helps with the pain.  As soon as I sunk into that over-sized tub, I felt relief, not absence of pain, but definite relief.  A few moments later, my midwife told me I could push through the contractions if I wanted to, that this might make me fell better.  It did.  Then it came time for the real pushing.  This was definitely the hardest part, but it only took three good pushes and I was done. Martin got to "catch" little baby Owen, who wasn't very little at all ( 9lbs. and 4oz.) It was amazing and I did feel quite a bit differently compared to how I felt after Elijah's birth.  I was much more alert, and aware or everything. I also healed much faster and easier. We had a nice dinner there while baby was being weighed and measured, and stayed overnight, after only about 5 hours of labor.

What will William's story be? We are planning to have him at the clinic, I'd have him at home, but my tub just isn't big enough! I chose a different room this time, they have three "birthing suites" this time I'm going to try to make it upstairs to the one they call "the green room" I like that it has the bathroom in the room and it feels very warm and cozy. I tell people having a baby there is like staying at a bed and breakfast after a birth with the hands of those you trust most like a sister, or a best friend, or a favorite aunt.  I hope I have news to share of his birth soon, but it may be a while before I get to posting again!

4-week Countdown!

In less than a month, there will be a brand new person in our family!  It's hard to believe he's almost here- our baby William! Yesterday I had my 36 week appointment.  We talked about how I want the birth to go, and what to expect.  I feel more than ready for that day.  I'm much more worried about life after his birth than the actual delivery.  The post-delivery care (which yes, I sort of forgot about), and having a newborn again along with two very busy boys... those are the things that seem challenging.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be okay, if I can really handle life with all of these BOYS!

Four weeks will go by quickly, and our lives will change forever.  Owen and Elijah will have a new little brother to love and learn from.  And we will have another son to teach us and stretch us beyond what we thought possible.  Isn't that what children do?  They show you what love really is.  Through nurturing them, we too nurture our souls by growing in patience, compassion, and selflessness.  I am such a different person than I was before having kids, and with each one I change a little more.

This time around it feels different... maybe because I have wanted this baby for so long, and he has been in my heart long before he was ever in my womb.  I can't wait to look into his eyes with the knowing feeling that he is mine and see him finally looking back at me.  We'll be having him at the Midwife clinic where I had Owen, and I'm expecting things to be rather similar.  I love being able to give birth the way it was meant to be... simply, naturally, and beautifully.  I'm lucky, I guess that my body cooperates.  Owen was delivered quickly after only about 5 hours of labor.  Martin got to help deliver him, which was so special, and we are planning to do this with William also. 

With just weeks left, I'm constantly trying to get more and more done.   The summer has been a nice transition period since we haven't had the schedule of school to deal with, but shortly after William's birth school will begin again.  This means I have to get everything ready... school clothes, supplies, organization, etc.  We're almost finished with a dresser for the big boys room.  It's about fifty years old, but now you couldn't tell. We painted the frame off-white, and each drawer is a different color, with boyish accents like a rocket, moon, stars, and the word "imagine."

The baby room is perfect.  I love going in there just to sit.  Sometimes I hold the little heavy-bottomed elephant my mom bought for William and rock in the glider, imagining holding a baby instead. I'm not sure we'll be in there much other than to change diapers, maybe to nurse, but he'll be sleeping in our room for a while, and I see myself nursing, well everywhere!

In the meantime, I am enjoying my other two boys, or should I say three counting Martin? Owen has become such an imaginative chatter box.  He loves to stay in-character throughout the day for whatever it is he is pretending... mostly superheroes, but there is the occasional monster, robot, or animal. Elijah plays along for a while, but wants to do his own thing eventually. They both love building, and thank goodness now Owen can pedal his tricycle, so they ride around together, when I feel like I can make it around the block a few times!

 Martin has been absolutely wonderful throughout this pregnancy.  He gets up early to help me with chores before work, and we spend night together on the couch with icecream, a movie, and usually I get a foot rub. He's nearly finished with the adorable baby hat he's been knitting for William. I can't wait to see it on him!!! I'm going to miss all of these evening we've had when the boys are in bed and it's just us.  But then again, it will be pretty easy to hold and nurse a baby on the couch next to him!

                                                              WHO'S PREGNANT?

And then there were five!!!

Baby Ready

                                               Lots of Kicks happening in here!


Today I feel so full of joy.  I'm actually excited about changing William's itty bitty diapers that I have all lined up in the diaper organizer in his closet.  Six weeks seems like too long to wait for him.  I feel as if I know him already like holding him is only moments away, not weeks.  He had the hiccups last night, and the constant bump-bump of my tummy just made me smile with such joy.  He's a real little person in there doing real things all day long.  It is so amazing! I keep trying to catch him on video moving because someone told me that when I'm not pregnant anymore I will miss watching him in this special way.  Of course every time I turn on the camera, he pretends to be shy and keeps completely still.  He is definitely my boy! Today I finally caught him... for a few seconds my belly bulged and rippled from his movements.

We got the changing table moved into his room today after I cleaned it out and wiped it down.  Elijah had been using it for his dresser, and it also had purple crayon all over the inside which he helped me scrub off today! He hung a toy organizer behind the door.  And I had Elijah help me move the glider chair back in the baby room because I just couldn't wait for Martin to get home to do it.  I also set up a diaper changing station in my bedroom, where he will be sleeping, for those middle of the night changes.

One of the things I decided to do this time around is making a double or triple recipe once a week or so for dinner, and freezing the extras.  Tonight I made chicken and green chile burritos. We ate seven of them for dinner, I froze fifteen individually, and turned the rest into two casserole pans of enchilada style dishes  and popped those in the freezer as well.  I'm planning to do meatloaf this way, and also some snack type things like muffins or breads.

If the heat doesn't kill me, I'll keep on cooking, but it sure is getting tough! We've had a few days in a row now over ninety!  I"m more of a 70-degree type of girl, so it's going to be a long six weeks! Yesterday I couldn't bring myself to turn on the stove until after nine when I boiled an artichoke and ate the whole thing myself while watching a movie.  I also made homemade lemonade... yum! That is always awesome on a hot day/night.  I was actually tempted to sit in the kids little pool with them yesterday.  They have spent every day in some kind of water whether the water park, or sprinklers, or kiddy pool in the backyard.  Today we actually ran out of sunscreen, so I wouldn't let them stay outside until we bought some more!



 Here's the video of William moving... the boys are playing cars in the background, you'll hear them. :)

Laughter- Bursting at the Seams!

Everyone is familiar with the emotional outbursts of pregnancy, but has anyone else experienced laughing attacks? A few nights ago I seriously could not stop laughing, and it really wasn't that funny to begin with, but the laughing felt so good.  Every time something remotely comical happened I burst out in laughter that made tears stream down my face. It started in the kitchen.  We have this issue with our dishwasher... well basically it leaks water almost every time we run it and I always forget and end up stepping in the little puddle getting my socks wet... which is one of my little pet peeves- wet socks. So I happened to be wearing my huge fluffy monkey slippers and stepped right in the puddle and kind of slid a little, and this for some reason was hilarious.  I went on and on laughing all the way to the couch.  Then this dumb commercial came on which was also the funniest thing I have ever seen apparently because it made me laugh so hard I wasn't sure if I was still laughing or balling. Martin just kind of looked over at me like I was insane and said, "doing all right over there?" to which I replied through laughing spurts, "that was so funny, wasn't that funny, did you see that?"

Anyway... this keeps happening.  It happened last night while reading.  There was a semi-funny joke in my book that just cracked me up.  I was sitting up in bed while Martin was brushing his teeth, and he had to come see what all the commotion was about... me book thrown on the side of the bed, giggling excessively.  Then of course I had to tell him the joke: "Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other- does he taste funny to you?" -funniest thing in the world.  Martin smiled, and gave me a sympathy laugh, you know the kind you know isn't real, he was being polite. I made him promise to tell the joke at work to see if anyone would laugh out loud. Because obviously this was real humor here.

I guess what makes all of this so outrageous is that I'm not really the "laugh-out-loud" kind of person.  When I think something is funny I smile, I might say "that's funny." I might giggle a little, but full out guffaws, nope. Not me. Even on funny shows or movies, I rarely make a big laugh.  I also rarely cry. Now I do both.  I guess pregnancy is just funny that way!  I wonder if the baby likes all that laughing.  I was imagining him twirling around in there like he does and then all of a sudden his world is shaking with laughter and a new sound.  I bet it makes him feel happy too.  It does feel good to laugh. You know after you've REALLY laughed, there's that relief afterwards.  It's like, "oh I'm glad I let all that out!" At least that's the way I feel. Maybe we should all laugh more, even if the joke is lame, or the circumstance is just another blah moment. I'm certain it's good for your health, and makes life less mundane. I've also noticed that my kids will laugh with me even if they have no idea why we are laughing.  that one is my favorite.  you just can't help sharing that happiness when someone else is full of it.

A Lazy Day and Baby Plans

The two big boys are sleeping... the little one in my belly is not.  He is so active now, moving around like a little acrobat, sometimes startling me with his sudden bouts of energy.  Owen refuses to be called little now. In his words- he is HUGE. And the way he says it makes me smile, thinking one day he will be, but for now I still think of him as my little boy, my snuggler. And Elijah now says that he is the Biggest boy, knowing that he will always be the oldest and there are two now that are smaller than him. (although we've long known that Owen will most likely pass him up at some point).

Elijah woke up with a fever, and has slept most of the day. He ate only a small bit of applesauce, watched sesame street with his brother, and then returned to bed.  So it's been a day of playing "Army Men" (which Owen will not let me call soldiers, for some reason he doesn't understand that those terms are really synonyms), and Legos... and some made up game where I am a mommy Elephant with Owen. We've all stayed in our jammies... and I'm thinking pizza and a movie will follow, to the end out this lazy day.

I know, I'm suppose to be eating healthier- bulking up on protein and fiber, and cutting down on sugars and large meals. All of that is a challenge.  I just want to eat what I want when I want it, and not feel guilty or worry about gaining too much. Yesterday I hit the 24 week mark.  Part of me feels like, I've been pregnant for such a long time now, and I am ready for this baby to come as soon as possible.  Then there's the other side, as usual, thinking wow there's only four months left... am I going to be ready? There is so much left to do... projects, and organizing, cleaning and preparing. Here are some of my goals:
Owen needs to be completely potty trained. I was so sure that by now, we would be under some easy breezy routine where I tell him to go and he does. Not so much.  reality is- I mention going potty, he screams out in refusal and I fight him for ten minutes to get him on the toilet seat.  He eventually does it, with some creative coaxing, but it is in no way easy. I'm exhausted by it, I am sick of buying pull-ups, and frustrated that he isn't farther along in this little journey.  Lately I've been trying to encourage him by showing him the past sticker charts he has completed for going potty. He seems proud of them and wants to get more... sometimes. Other times he just really doesn't care... and wants to play instead.
Transitioning Owen to Elijah's room.
We bought the mattress yesterday for the bottom bunk where Owen will be sleeping, but I think we'll wait a few more weeks to make the big move over.
Painting the Nursery!
This will be a fun day I think...friends are coming over to get it all done!
Car Seat Needs to fit.
Since we don't have a car seat yet, we're not sure if all three are going to fit in the back seat of our Subaru Forrester. It just depends on how big the base of the infant car seat is, I think. Somehow they are all going to have to fit, b/c a new car is not in the budget!
Other baby projects...
I'm working on a mobile
Martin will be making baby a special hat once I find him the right knitting pattern
 Art work for the wall- I'm assigning to my mom and brother.  The idea is from a book I have called, "It's Time To Sleep, My Love" and the picture I want done on canvas is of a huge hot air balloon in front of the sunset with all sorts of animals in the basket part of it.  It's really beautiful and whimsical
Block Shelf- I got this cool shelf at a yard sale that I'm going to paint blue/brown the room colors and put his name in antique block letters on it, also books etc.
Growth Chart- I thought it would be special to make all of the boys a wooden growth chart so that if we ever move, the "lines on the wall" won't get lost. The wood needs painted and measured for markings.  I also got the first letter of their names to put at the top.
Marble book ends- I saw this idea somewhere, just mason jars full of colorful marbles! I thought how perfect!
Baby book/scrapbook- I pre-made one for Owen when I was pregnant so that after he came all I had to do was put pictures in it, but this project is particularly challenging and time consuming... I bought a back-up already made on just in case I don't get around to doing it all myself.
Photo-Shoot- I want to take some maternity pics maybe next month (I'm also getting ideas for great newborn shots).
Changing Table- I have this old desk that I'm hoping to use as a changing table. It just needs painted, and maybe a security board ledge tacked on to it for safety.

Those are some of the things swirling through my head that need to get done.  Yesterday I cleared out the corner of our bedroom for where baby will most likely spend most nights for the first few months. We're going to put the swing there for him and have a little shelf for a humidifier, diapers, and a few small things he might need at night. Oh yeah, I also found the perfect and most adorable little blue rocking chair yesterday! It was a little more than I wanted to spend though, so I figured I'd wait to see if they lowered to price.  It's kid size so I thought it would be nice for the boys to sit and read in while I'm nursing. (of course they'd have to take turns, so this could be a problem)!

Gotta Have a PICKLE!!!

I'm actually now 16 weeks, but wanted to update anyways. I am growing so much faster with this third baby! I can't believe I already have this round tummy popping out!!!

Sunday I definitely felt the baby move a few times. It wasn't "hmmm... that could have been something," it was, "whoa... yeah that was a little human inside me making it's presence known." For me that is one of the most joyful parts of pregnancy, especially in this early stage when the movements aren't yet kicks or rolls or acrobat moves. We were in the car when it first happened and I looked over to tell Martin with the biggest smile. He told me I was glowing and it was good to see me so happy.

And I am so happy. Even though so far everyday is a challenge trying to be mom of two of the busiest little guys around, and take care of myself, and well forget the house. I did vacuum today though and got some laundry put away, so that should count for something right? Martin has been my hero all along. He is just great that way. He keeps up on the dishes mostly. Last night I actually watched him fold two baskets of laundry and put everything away while I had a snack. Amazing, right!

Pickles really are awesome. I'm not really a pickle fanatic, but now I finally get the craze of a pregnant woman needing some pickles. Yesterday I stopped at Jimmy Johns and they sell huge pickles... you can actually go through the drive through and order just a pickle! I got a veggie sandwich too, but how awesomely amazing and convenient is that?! Now I kinda want one...

Part of me wishes pregnancy didn't take so long. I am already so anxious to meet this little person growing inside me and introduce him/her to the rest of the fam. I love hearing the boy's add the baby into our life when we are going about our day and talking about things. Today Owen mentioned that we would bring the new baby to the beach to have a picnic with us. (They are both anxious for the beach and picnics... Elijah said he wants his Great Grandma to come and make a pie, because she makes the best pies). They also will periodically kiss my belly or Owen will give me a kiss (he likes to hand out his kisses rather than actually kiss your cheek) and say this one you can save for baby. They will both be such great big brothers to this new little one!

An Afternoon Nap... and ramblings

I can't believe both of my boys are asleep right now... at the same time in the middle of the afternoon. On this rare occasion I feel like I should be doing something more valuable than blogging and looking around online. Elijah almost never takes a nap. Valentines Day at school must have really worn him out. I had a special bear sent to him with candy and a note and he is cuddled up with it on the couch asleep. I found him that way after I had put Owen down for his nap.


It's a nice break. I haven't even made lunch yet, which reminds me there is nothing to eat anyways. I'm in some kind of weird cycle. We have no ingredients to make anything, yet going to the grocery store feels overwhelming right now, so I keep putting it off, maybe grabbing something here or there or eating out. Not good. I know. I need some real food. Today I was wishing Jamba Juice had a drive through. Who really wants to lug two kids inside for a smoothie which they will probably beg for as well? Plus Owen had already fallen asleep in the car before we got home. Uhg. I didn't realize it was going to be so challenging being pregnant the third time around.

Everyone knows the first time is pretty easy. You have no one to worry about except for yourself. You can eat right, rest, and do all of those "by the book" sort of things. For me, baby number two was more challenging of course because I had a toddler to take care of and resting only happened when Sesame Street or other cartoons were on. But still no one was in school yet, and I stayed home all day long. Now things are drastically different. On school days, which I've now limited to three days a week since I just couldn't handle it and it's only pre-school, we are here and there and the morning feels so exhausting. This morning I cried so much I didn't think I would make it out the door. I don't remember being this emotional the last time. I'm also at that weird stage where I don't look pregnant yet, just chubby. Really, it's not belly people, it's baby! Then again, I haven't exactly refused cookies, cake or ice cream recently.

Thursday is my first appointment with my midwife! yahoo! I can't wait to see her again. She delivered Owen and I had a great experience. Now I'm about 12 weeks and ready to hear this little ones heartbeat!

When Neurons Collide

Do you ever wonder what your mind looks like from the inside? I don't mean the physiological parts of the brain, but if you could walk around inside your thoughts, what would they look like? I imagine my mind like a wide open space with clear blue skies and lots of plush green grass for running and never getting winded. Lately though I feel my thoughts are feathers blowing around in the wind open space and I can't quite catch them when I want to. These feathers keep me up when I should be sleeping; sometimes they lead me on a bunny trail from one incomplete thought to the next. I forget what I was about to do, or I experience that "I know I was on to something... but what was it?" kind of thought. Could it be the "pregnancy brain mushiness," or am I just wound too tightly?


I've always liked daydreaming... getting lost in that open space where anything can happen. I guess sometimes it's a way of not facing reality, escaping the things we don't want to deal with and replacing them with something more pleasant. Reading fiction is kind of like that too. I love getting lost in a book, temporarily not being the "responsible" adult I am suppose to be, and following someone else's journey through love or heroism.

Lots has happened this week, so I'll do a little summing up.

This week's "notables:"

Parenting is a lot more trial and error than I ever expected. Although, I had my own personal breakthrough with Elijah I think, yesterday. He doesn't respond to a lot of traditional shall we say, punishments. Sometimes he reminds me of a little adult. So I have found the easiest way to handle his misbehaviors is with natural consequences, and a calm understanding voice. I will admit to yelling, which gets everyone nowhere. So, yesterday Elijah decided to write on the bathroom wall with a pen. I didn't notice it right away, but when I did... I calmly asked him if he had written on the wall, he admitted it. Amazingly I didn't over-react, but told him he would clean it up. Guess what, he did with no problems! (note: mix baking soda with a little water to make a paste and scrub with an old toothbrush... I have found this to be the best method... and yes this is not his first offense).

Owen is turning three next Saturday! I can't believe he's not my baby anymore. We're planning a circus themed party for him... it will be lots of fun! He's so excited, anytime we talk about it being his birthday soon, he has to say, "My Circus Birthday!"

I hate for this to be a "notable," but I also can't go on without mentioning my Grandpa's passing last Sunday. It still doesn't seem real, and I'm not sure how I am suppose to feel about it. No one can really prepare you for this kind of thing. It is hardest seeing the pain my mom is going through and not being able to make her feel better. She has always been the "rock" of the family, the reliable, responsible and I hate that she has to deal with all the arrangements as she is mourning. A few things about my Grandpa...

He loved strawberry ice cream. He knew how to cook anything in the microwave. He was an amazing craftsman. He used to make intricate Christmas ornaments for us shaped like 3-D octagons. He also perfected many woodwork projects, my mom has some of the bookshelves that he made in her house, that are beautifully carved and built. He kept his "temple" healthy, going for walks every day and surprising lifting weights! He always cared about our health too, and our interests. When I wanted to take a correspondence course for writing Children's literature, he helped me pay for it. He also helped Martin and I purchase the house we now live in. The bank required our debt to income ratio to be lower than it was, meaning we had to pay off one of Martin's student loans. Yikes... Grandpa came through and covered what we couldn't. He always made sure the people he loved were taken care of. What surprised me most about him was he way he took care of my Grandma all of these years even though they have been divorced since my mom was thirteen. There are so many things I appreciate about him, and he will be missed.

Death sometimes makes us think of the way we should be living. I know one of the best things I can do is show gratitude in every way. It is a small thing that has a great power. For we are not simply flesh and bones, nerves, and neurons, but we are souls that need nourished. When I think about others as souls around me, it changes my heart and my perspective. I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve and showing gratitude to others is a small way to bless their soul and to transform mine a little more each day. If I started my list of gratitude here, it would reach to the moon, but I do plan to tell some people how much they mean to me. It's important to say things out loud even when it feels awkward and corny.

I am probably most thankful for my loving hubby. He helps in so many ways. Especially now, when I am such a mess... I cry at least once a day because of the pregnancy hormones, and he just holds me and tells me it's going to be all right. We've worked out some teamwork with the housework too, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. He unloads the dishwasher before he goes to work most mornings, and I load it up during the day and run it every night. He tries to help with whatever else I need too. He is so wonderful, and I know God sent him to me! Thanks honey for putting up with me!