Everything Days and Nothing Days

My weeks are compiled of what I call everything days and nothing days. On everything days I find myself doing everything from sun up to sun down. Those days are like a three ring circus and I am keeping it all running- the tight rope, the juggling, the dancing elephants, the whole enchilada. We eat a good breakfast, get everyone changed or to the potty. Getting out the door is always the very worst part. I don’t know why, but that is the point at which I feel like screaming or perhaps throwing something through the front window. No body has socks on even though I’ve requested it three times and repeated exactly where to find them. I think it’s the pressure of getting somewhere on time that really kills me. I hate being late, but my kids haven’t acquired any connection to their actions with what time of day it is or whether we show up somewhere when the sun is up or down or wherever. In fact time makes completely no sense to them at all. Elijah often makes statements like, “I saw a fire truck out my window last night.” Last night, yesterday, this morning, they are all very fluid terms to him that he uses simply to refer to a time in the past that he recalls something specific happening. I have to laugh at it of course, but when I am trying to get out the door when we need to have left ten minutes ago, I find their sense of time very un-funny!
On everything days we try to fit in an activity before Owen’s morning nap, which is often a challenge and usually ends up backfiring on us. If we leave the house somewhere around eight, we have a good chance of getting something done and returning for a nine or nine-thirty nap. Then again, who can manage to get out of the house by eight in the morning? So he ends up taking a nap at ten or ten-thirty, which throws off the afternoon, nap and makes him cranky for the rest of the day until bedtime by which point I am ready to throw something out the front window again.
The morning activity usually consists of grocery shopping, going to the library, bookstore, or possibly the park to meet a friend. I am always more excited and willing to do the non-errand type of outing. Which means we will be getting by on peanut butter and jelly for the next three days…again. It doesn’t bother me, and it certainly doesn’t bother the boys. Elijah practically asks for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at every meal. Lately I’ve been avoiding the grocery store at all costs. I used to love planning out meals and deciding exactly what menu to whip up for the week, but now… it has turned into this stressful issue for me and I don’t even understand exactly why. Maybe it’s the mixed up schedule. With Martin eating dinner for breakfast, lunch in the middle of the night and breakfast right before I go to bed, it has me all mixed up about how to plan anything in the ways of meals. I try to make something dinner-ish sometimes that he can take as leftovers to work, but honestly I have found cooking to be one of the hardest things to do with two kids running around the house. It usually comes down to yogurt or cereal for dinner and he’s on his own for what to bring for lunch. Then I feel guilty and make him a sandwich, throw in an apple and a string cheese, and he’s satisfied.
If there is more than one outing, it is definitely considered an everything day. More than two outings… and I get to where a crown and carry a wand through the three-ring circus. This does happen every so often on those days when we’ve stayed out to long for Owen’s nap, and missed the window for him to take one at all. On those days I just figure I might as well stay on the boat while it’s still floating. We go to the park, or the library. The boys burn off lots of energy. Elijah always meets some “friends” that usually more than willingly entertain him. He loves following the “big” kids around, getting attention from anyone taller than him makes his whole world light up. He’s now learned a few of the friendship-making basics such as: telling hopeful friends his name and asking what theirs is, agreeing to like the things that they like, and declaring that they are cool and should come to his house. Watching these encounters makes my cheeks soften into slight smiles knowing exactly where he gets his exuberance and shrill confidence. I often wonder if Martin was exactly like his son is now. Of course, Elijah pretends to be shy sometimes, but overall he lets his feelings be known whether happy, sad, thrilled, or concerned, just like his daddy. It still amazes me that my husband is so child-like in this sense. He hasn’t been broken by the world into masking himself. I love that. He is who he is. I hope he never changes, and I hope our boys continue to be like him. (note: yes… of course I get embarrassed sometimes by all the honesty and open feelings, but it’s much better than second guessing or being fake).
If we’ve been able to get through the day with little whining and no potty accidents, I’ve been known to get Elijah a kids smoothie along with my favorite drink at Dutch Bros.- my most recent obsession. I usually need one by the middle of an everything day and I feel good if I can also get Elijah something too. He loves it when the barista puts a dollop of whip cream on the straw for him. I watch in the rearview mirror as he licks it off and gets most of it on his face. Then he tries licking the sides of his mouth and cheeks. This turns into finger licking, and somewhat of a mess in the back seat, but it’s an everything day- messes included.
So whether we’ve soaked up the sun, or soaked up some books, by the end of the day I am ready to get the boys fed and into bed. However, sometimes an everything day also includes visiting grandma and Papa. If it’s a Tuesday we often steal Grandma and include her in our trip to Dutch Bros. Mostly because all drinks are two dollars that day, but also because it happens to be in close proximity to where Grandma teaches first graders all day and she needs a break too. We also like to take Grandma to Target with us. It’s nice to have some company while we look at things on way to pick up the necessary diapers or pull-ups. Grandma also usually buys a cookie or a pretzel for a boy who only has to ask sweetly and gaze up at her with his dark brown eyes. I count the pretzel as dinner, especially if I add in some yogurt at the snack bar and some apple juice. I hope one or both of the boys will fall asleep on the way home so I can have a little time to breathe, but then again sometimes we have the greatest of conversations. I know it sounds bizarre, conversations, but its true. Elijah will bring up something he’s been thinking about that I may have never known had I turned the radio up full blast or had he fallen asleep. Other times the car turns into a sound-fest. Owen will copy a sound he heard from big brother. Elijah will laugh his infectious little laugh and repeat the sound, causing a cycle of laughs and silly sounds all the way home. Sometimes I join in too, they love to see me being silly right along with them, and I know at some point they won’t. They’ll call me a dork or something of equal meaning in complete embarrassment that I really am their mom. But right now I relish in the fact that I am the coolest and most knowledgeable person they know. They believe every word that comes from my lips. And I am the person they come to for everything… more now then ever.
At the end of an everything day I feel both exhausted and empowered. I look back and think, wow how did I get all that done? Did I mention everything days also include laundry, dishes, changing sheets, scrubbing toilets, vacuuming, mopping, oh yeah… and sweating to the beat of my step class workout video? Of course not all of these are done on the same day, well usually not, but they do get accomplished somehow. During naptime on some days, but often after the boys have both gone to bed.
It’s amazing just how different my life looks and feels when the house is quiet with both boys asleep. I feel like me again and I wonder who that crazy woman was that took over my body earlier in the day. That couldn’t have been me. I never lose my temper, or make a big deal about something as small as finding socks and putting them on the correct body part. No, that couldn’t have been me. Now I feel full amounts of air filling my lungs easily. My head isn’t pounding or throbbing. I’m not concerned about anyone or anything, but me and my own little world consisting of the few hours I have just for me.
Now of course your wondering about nothing days. Ideally life should consist of everything and nothing all rolled together in a single perfect day, but for some reason my days never work like that. Especially now, I can’t seem to balance anything. A nothing day almost always follows an everything day. Of course it is impossible for me to spend an entire day doing absolutely nothing, but I am so worn out from the everything day that just the thought of getting out of the house again makes me want to hide in the closet. So, a nothing day consists of me doing the bare minimum. You know what I’m talking about. The kids get fed, I manage to eat somewhere in the mix, but no one gets out of their jammies. We watch a few cartoons, I let the boys get out every toy and book and box from the cupboard to play with- undoing all the work of yesterday. But somehow this brings me the strangest sort of peace. We play and laugh and cuddle and eat things that require absolutely no cooking and little preparing whatsoever- cereal, applesauce, crackers, string cheese, grapes, trail mix. Those kinds of things become our breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Both boys nap on time because we had nowhere to go. I let Elijah do an extra craft project “just because,” and read him an extra story at bedtime too. After they’re asleep I don’t do my workout, I don’t even look at my sports bra. Instead, I hunt for the dark chocolate mint Haagen Daz ice cream and put in my latest Netflix pick.
It works. In this crazy out of control circus of mine, this mix of extreme days works. We go and we do and we do all we can do, and then we rest and play and cuddle. It’s actually a fairly nice cycle. I never really know what to expect, where we might end up on an everything day, or how often I will get a nothing day, but they come and go in this strange unpredictable pattern that has become my life. I love it. Though at times I actually visualize myself throwing that loud destructive thing through my front window just to silence the chaos.