Laughter- Bursting at the Seams!

Everyone is familiar with the emotional outbursts of pregnancy, but has anyone else experienced laughing attacks? A few nights ago I seriously could not stop laughing, and it really wasn't that funny to begin with, but the laughing felt so good.  Every time something remotely comical happened I burst out in laughter that made tears stream down my face. It started in the kitchen.  We have this issue with our dishwasher... well basically it leaks water almost every time we run it and I always forget and end up stepping in the little puddle getting my socks wet... which is one of my little pet peeves- wet socks. So I happened to be wearing my huge fluffy monkey slippers and stepped right in the puddle and kind of slid a little, and this for some reason was hilarious.  I went on and on laughing all the way to the couch.  Then this dumb commercial came on which was also the funniest thing I have ever seen apparently because it made me laugh so hard I wasn't sure if I was still laughing or balling. Martin just kind of looked over at me like I was insane and said, "doing all right over there?" to which I replied through laughing spurts, "that was so funny, wasn't that funny, did you see that?"

Anyway... this keeps happening.  It happened last night while reading.  There was a semi-funny joke in my book that just cracked me up.  I was sitting up in bed while Martin was brushing his teeth, and he had to come see what all the commotion was about... me book thrown on the side of the bed, giggling excessively.  Then of course I had to tell him the joke: "Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other- does he taste funny to you?" -funniest thing in the world.  Martin smiled, and gave me a sympathy laugh, you know the kind you know isn't real, he was being polite. I made him promise to tell the joke at work to see if anyone would laugh out loud. Because obviously this was real humor here.

I guess what makes all of this so outrageous is that I'm not really the "laugh-out-loud" kind of person.  When I think something is funny I smile, I might say "that's funny." I might giggle a little, but full out guffaws, nope. Not me. Even on funny shows or movies, I rarely make a big laugh.  I also rarely cry. Now I do both.  I guess pregnancy is just funny that way!  I wonder if the baby likes all that laughing.  I was imagining him twirling around in there like he does and then all of a sudden his world is shaking with laughter and a new sound.  I bet it makes him feel happy too.  It does feel good to laugh. You know after you've REALLY laughed, there's that relief afterwards.  It's like, "oh I'm glad I let all that out!" At least that's the way I feel. Maybe we should all laugh more, even if the joke is lame, or the circumstance is just another blah moment. I'm certain it's good for your health, and makes life less mundane. I've also noticed that my kids will laugh with me even if they have no idea why we are laughing.  that one is my favorite.  you just can't help sharing that happiness when someone else is full of it.

Breaking Down and Building Up

If your heart were a home, complete with rooms of all sizes, what room would hold your emotions? Would it be a room with wide-open space that welcomed others in, like a living room? Or would it be a medium sized bedroom, more intimate, yet also an easy space for sharing? I think most of us keep our emotions in the smallest place possible, like the attic or linen closet, at least I know this has been true for me. But why are we so afraid to show what is really going on inside us? Why do we hold back overwhelming emotions?
Denial is easier.
Is it really that simple? We are so busy that we don’t want to stop and deal with things like feeling mournful, depressed, touched, convicted, or sometimes even joy. The tangible, necessary things always take priority. We’re also concerned with other’s reactions. What will _____ think if I just break down, right here, right now? But what if something life changing is about to happen in that little house- your heart- and you turn off the power? You keep your despair locked in the closet where no one will ever find it.
I guess at first, it gets worse. Then it gets a lot worse, and you are in such a pit of despair that you never want to come out of the attic, or out from under the kitchen sink, or wherever it is that you have managed to put the “real” you, and you begin to live this miserable double life. Your face might appear happy, but inside- your home is falling apart with no hopes of repair.
What we often fail to realize is that allowing ourselves to reach that place of mourning is a good thing. This is the starting point of growth. When you understand that you are pitiful, inadequate…lost, well that’s when the work can begin. Nothing can be done if nothing “needs” done.
I find myself at this point constantly, maybe it’s just been a rough year, or maybe I’m just a convicted emotional person, either way I know that I am nothing on my own. I am helpless, pathetic, worthless. I go into my closet, overwhelmed with my life, and I cry, and I cry, and I cry until God gives me the strength to face what I need to. I’m still not great at letting others in. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to keep my emotions in the “living room,” but maybe someday I’ll move into a small bedroom with a little window.

“Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted” Matthew 5:3

Another translation says:

“Those who are sad now are happy, because God will comfort them.”