Canadian Geese...Really?

A few months ago, when the first snow began to stick covering the ground in a thick white blanket, I noticed something spectacular on my daily route to take Elijah to school. I always take the back way, which is full of God's beauty everywhere I look- wide open spaces, fields, mountains splashed graceful and strong in the background. Why would anyone choose to take the highway? So there are many fields I pass along the way. The first morning, I only caught it out of the corner of my eye... this spectacular sight, but everyday after that I became obsessed with fascination, I had to drive by to see it. Huddled together, stretched out across a mile-long field were hundreds of Canadian Geese... hundreds! I couldn't believe it. What were they all doing here? Why did they come to this specific field?
It became part of our daily routine to look for the Geese. "Let's see if the geese are there today," I would tell the boys on our way. They would both bubble up with excitement, "ooh yeah, mommy, I think they're there!" And they were, consistently for weeks and weeks, this great amazing cluster of grey and black- such a contrast against the white frozen ground beneath them. I so desperately wanted to capture a picture, but that was impossible. Merely slowing down to get a longer glance at them caused the cars behind me to get impatient. There was no place to pull over either. So their beauty is captured only in my memory.
When the snow melted, the geese to began to disappear. The group got smaller and smaller, until they had gone altogether. But where? I wanted to know. I missed them, in a way. Then one Sunday afternoon, I saw them. They had claimed a new field, a much larger one, and acquired more friends as well. Their new stretch of land wasn't a flat field like before, this was a few miles of rolling greens. I could see puddles in places that looked more like small ponds, they liked that a lot. But still I wonder what makes them stick together, and gather in these huge groups? I never see one off by itself, they don't even fly alone... always together. The more I think about them, the more remarkable their design, the more I am reminded of a truly Great creator who plans everything beyond what we can understand or imagine. I also find myself envying them, just alittle. I know- I just got even weirder. I don't feel that "togetherness" in my life. They way they do everything together, supporting each other. When I see them flying in their "V" One doesn't lead for long, they switch places while keeping their formation, so that none of them are leading too long. Can you imagine if we worked together like geese? Maybe I've just been lonely too long, and I'm starting to see "community" everywhere... the one thing I miss the most.
Either way, I still obsessively look forward to seeing the Geese gathered together in their special place, and I still wonder in awe that they do. I still think about my creator... if He can design this simple bird to function in this way... surely I am much more capable to work together with others- to build and support- to love and to care, and to give my life for His purpose.

*note* I apologize for not having a picture!

Breaking Down and Building Up

If your heart were a home, complete with rooms of all sizes, what room would hold your emotions? Would it be a room with wide-open space that welcomed others in, like a living room? Or would it be a medium sized bedroom, more intimate, yet also an easy space for sharing? I think most of us keep our emotions in the smallest place possible, like the attic or linen closet, at least I know this has been true for me. But why are we so afraid to show what is really going on inside us? Why do we hold back overwhelming emotions?
Denial is easier.
Is it really that simple? We are so busy that we don’t want to stop and deal with things like feeling mournful, depressed, touched, convicted, or sometimes even joy. The tangible, necessary things always take priority. We’re also concerned with other’s reactions. What will _____ think if I just break down, right here, right now? But what if something life changing is about to happen in that little house- your heart- and you turn off the power? You keep your despair locked in the closet where no one will ever find it.
I guess at first, it gets worse. Then it gets a lot worse, and you are in such a pit of despair that you never want to come out of the attic, or out from under the kitchen sink, or wherever it is that you have managed to put the “real” you, and you begin to live this miserable double life. Your face might appear happy, but inside- your home is falling apart with no hopes of repair.
What we often fail to realize is that allowing ourselves to reach that place of mourning is a good thing. This is the starting point of growth. When you understand that you are pitiful, inadequate…lost, well that’s when the work can begin. Nothing can be done if nothing “needs” done.
I find myself at this point constantly, maybe it’s just been a rough year, or maybe I’m just a convicted emotional person, either way I know that I am nothing on my own. I am helpless, pathetic, worthless. I go into my closet, overwhelmed with my life, and I cry, and I cry, and I cry until God gives me the strength to face what I need to. I’m still not great at letting others in. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to keep my emotions in the “living room,” but maybe someday I’ll move into a small bedroom with a little window.

“Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted” Matthew 5:3

Another translation says:

“Those who are sad now are happy, because God will comfort them.”