When Neurons Collide

Do you ever wonder what your mind looks like from the inside? I don't mean the physiological parts of the brain, but if you could walk around inside your thoughts, what would they look like? I imagine my mind like a wide open space with clear blue skies and lots of plush green grass for running and never getting winded. Lately though I feel my thoughts are feathers blowing around in the wind open space and I can't quite catch them when I want to. These feathers keep me up when I should be sleeping; sometimes they lead me on a bunny trail from one incomplete thought to the next. I forget what I was about to do, or I experience that "I know I was on to something... but what was it?" kind of thought. Could it be the "pregnancy brain mushiness," or am I just wound too tightly?


I've always liked daydreaming... getting lost in that open space where anything can happen. I guess sometimes it's a way of not facing reality, escaping the things we don't want to deal with and replacing them with something more pleasant. Reading fiction is kind of like that too. I love getting lost in a book, temporarily not being the "responsible" adult I am suppose to be, and following someone else's journey through love or heroism.

Lots has happened this week, so I'll do a little summing up.

This week's "notables:"

Parenting is a lot more trial and error than I ever expected. Although, I had my own personal breakthrough with Elijah I think, yesterday. He doesn't respond to a lot of traditional shall we say, punishments. Sometimes he reminds me of a little adult. So I have found the easiest way to handle his misbehaviors is with natural consequences, and a calm understanding voice. I will admit to yelling, which gets everyone nowhere. So, yesterday Elijah decided to write on the bathroom wall with a pen. I didn't notice it right away, but when I did... I calmly asked him if he had written on the wall, he admitted it. Amazingly I didn't over-react, but told him he would clean it up. Guess what, he did with no problems! (note: mix baking soda with a little water to make a paste and scrub with an old toothbrush... I have found this to be the best method... and yes this is not his first offense).

Owen is turning three next Saturday! I can't believe he's not my baby anymore. We're planning a circus themed party for him... it will be lots of fun! He's so excited, anytime we talk about it being his birthday soon, he has to say, "My Circus Birthday!"

I hate for this to be a "notable," but I also can't go on without mentioning my Grandpa's passing last Sunday. It still doesn't seem real, and I'm not sure how I am suppose to feel about it. No one can really prepare you for this kind of thing. It is hardest seeing the pain my mom is going through and not being able to make her feel better. She has always been the "rock" of the family, the reliable, responsible and I hate that she has to deal with all the arrangements as she is mourning. A few things about my Grandpa...

He loved strawberry ice cream. He knew how to cook anything in the microwave. He was an amazing craftsman. He used to make intricate Christmas ornaments for us shaped like 3-D octagons. He also perfected many woodwork projects, my mom has some of the bookshelves that he made in her house, that are beautifully carved and built. He kept his "temple" healthy, going for walks every day and surprising lifting weights! He always cared about our health too, and our interests. When I wanted to take a correspondence course for writing Children's literature, he helped me pay for it. He also helped Martin and I purchase the house we now live in. The bank required our debt to income ratio to be lower than it was, meaning we had to pay off one of Martin's student loans. Yikes... Grandpa came through and covered what we couldn't. He always made sure the people he loved were taken care of. What surprised me most about him was he way he took care of my Grandma all of these years even though they have been divorced since my mom was thirteen. There are so many things I appreciate about him, and he will be missed.

Death sometimes makes us think of the way we should be living. I know one of the best things I can do is show gratitude in every way. It is a small thing that has a great power. For we are not simply flesh and bones, nerves, and neurons, but we are souls that need nourished. When I think about others as souls around me, it changes my heart and my perspective. I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve and showing gratitude to others is a small way to bless their soul and to transform mine a little more each day. If I started my list of gratitude here, it would reach to the moon, but I do plan to tell some people how much they mean to me. It's important to say things out loud even when it feels awkward and corny.

I am probably most thankful for my loving hubby. He helps in so many ways. Especially now, when I am such a mess... I cry at least once a day because of the pregnancy hormones, and he just holds me and tells me it's going to be all right. We've worked out some teamwork with the housework too, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. He unloads the dishwasher before he goes to work most mornings, and I load it up during the day and run it every night. He tries to help with whatever else I need too. He is so wonderful, and I know God sent him to me! Thanks honey for putting up with me!

Let's Play!

I love listening to the boys play together. At five and almost three, they are the best of friends! This is our second snow day, well yesterday wasn't declared a snow day by the school, but we took one anyway. So we have spent all day doing those things you just can't do on a regular day. We've painted, pretended, and played hard, which includes taking couch cushions out to make proper launching pads and so on.


Right now Owen is taking the lead in their pretend play, for a change. "Let's go to Disneyland," he says, "and see all of our friends." Elijah is wearing a backpack and acting like a puppy and Owen is holding on to the strap leading him around the living room. "Watch out for the mud puddle," he says... this just cracks me up... they even have pretend mud puddles in their world! They go on and on like this introducing new elements, heroes, and situations that require lots of noise.

I would love to take them to the "real" Disneyland, but I'm not sure how realistic that dream is right now, especially now that I am pregnant. Has anyone gone while being pregnant? If we did have the means to go, I think I would like going in late spring before I'm huge, but maybe we'll just wait for next year. I've had to say that before...ever since we moved back to North Idaho, I kept promising my husband we would run Bloomsday together. The same "maybe next year" keeps coming up. Although, I told him this year he should run it alone and the rest of us could come cheer him on. It's not like we'd really be able to run it together anyways. He'd want to run it competitively, hence leaving me in the dust. His work has it's own Gym on his floor, so he's been running on his lunch break! Way to go babe! How convenient is that!?

It is so funny to hear the boys change their voice for different characters. Now their playing "Stegosaurus" which is Owen's favorite dinosaur, or maybe the only dinosaur name he can remember. He keeps saying, "Be a nice Stegosaurus."

I have loved staying home and just letting the day unravel. Part of me wishes we did this everyday. I'm not the type who loves a lot of hustle and bustle and busyness. I was thinking about the last time I was pregnant... and Elijah was two-ish, that's what we did, stayed home all day everyday. We only had one car then, so we were stuck until daddy got home to take us around for errands. But I didn't mind, it was simple. Life always seems more simple in the past and difficult in the present. So I'm learning to embrace my present. Every morning before I get our of bed I try to pray for the day and focus on the kind of mom that I want to be that day. It's been helping.

Happy Snow Day everyone in the North!

p.s. I wish Elijah's snow suit was not still hanging up at his school! :(

Mountain of Change #2

This was always one of my favorite "I Love Lucy" episodes. What a great way to tell your husband that you're going to have a baby. They are so sweet it almost makes me cry every time I watch it. I would have wanted to tell Martin in a fun creative way like this, but usually I am too impatient.
So, if you haven't guessed already, or heard otherwise from other sources... YES, we're having a baby, my baby and me... a third time around! Now I could tell you the long journey of how we came to this point. How it took a couple years or going back and forth on the idea, me giving up and him finally coming around, but who wants to hear all of that? All you want to know is we're having another baby, we're are both on the same page - thrilled to pieces about it- and this precious little addition should arrive sometime towards the end of August! Yay!!!

Much more to come and updates, but that is all for now... just wanted to share my good news!!!

note: favorite snack this week: "babybel" cheese with Pink Lady apples! delish!

Mountains of Change

It's official, we've rejoined the current world... and are now connected to the Internet once again! It has been months and months since my last blog, and it feels like I am miles away from that place I was then. So much has happened, and we've been through mountains of change. I feel like I need to write 150 blogs just to catch up, but obviously that's not going to happen.

Mountain number ONE: The job search
Last summer Martin decided he was ready to look for something else, something with less stress and more money (everyone's ideal, right)? and a more normal schedule. The night shift was beginning to take it's toll on our family, and we really needed change. He had an interview back in July, but didn't get the job. He kept applying to different places every chance he could, and we were hopeful. I have to say though, that after two years of this crazy schedule...him sleeping during the day and us in two different world's at times, we made it work, and I am proud of us. Somehow we still made time for date night's and walks in the park. We've learned a lot about each other over this short detour in the journey of our life. We've had mornings together filled with trips to the library with Owen, and coffee, and spontaneous meanderings through used book stores or hidden treasure shops. In a way, I have loved it, not for it's craziness, but for what we made of it. Every hour spent with my best friend is a cherished one and I have fallen in love with him all over again. We've had to work hard at being strong for each other and doing what is necessary when the other can't. I think God has made me a better person, wife, and mother, through this experience mostly because I've had to depend on Him more than ever.
Months passed,the job search became here and there until something happened at work (which I won't go into detail) that gave him major motivation to get out of there. For those of you who don't know, he worked at a rehabilitation house for teenage boys. He was great at it, but many complicated scenarios arose that I didn't want him involved in. I also feel strongly that to truly heal from anything extreme or otherwise, rehabilitation needs to include The Spirit. Healing comes from the inside...out. But of course the State has different views on that as well.
Towards the end of November, he had two promising job possibilities, both with interviews. We prayed about it a lot as did many of our friends and family, and just before Christmas, he was offered a new job! Yay!!! It turned out to be perfect, exactly the kind of job he's been looking for since he graduated from college and guess what... it even pays All the bills!!!
Last week was his very first week as a database specialist for a software company... and he loves it! I'm actually having a hard time adjusting to his "regular" hours now. He leaves at 6:30 am, and gets home around 4:30. It feels strange to me, but I'll find my rhythm again. Another strange thing is to be able to pay all of our bills and have a little extra to save... I know that sounds silly, but we've never had that before. It has always been scrape the bottom of the barrel and pray for the rest. So, I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, to those of you who prayed for our family (and those of you who helped us during some of those rough times)We are truly blessed!

*note: I guess I'll cover "Mountain Two" later.