Do you ever wonder what your mind looks like from the inside? I don't mean the physiological parts of the brain, but if you could walk around inside your thoughts, what would they look like? I imagine my mind like a wide open space with clear blue skies and lots of plush green grass for running and never getting winded. Lately though I feel my thoughts are feathers blowing around in the wind open space and I can't quite catch them when I want to. These feathers keep me up when I should be sleeping; sometimes they lead me on a bunny trail from one incomplete thought to the next. I forget what I was about to do, or I experience that "I know I was on to something... but what was it?" kind of thought. Could it be the "pregnancy brain mushiness," or am I just wound too tightly?
I've always liked daydreaming... getting lost in that open space where anything can happen. I guess sometimes it's a way of not facing reality, escaping the things we don't want to deal with and replacing them with something more pleasant. Reading fiction is kind of like that too. I love getting lost in a book, temporarily not being the "responsible" adult I am suppose to be, and following someone else's journey through love or heroism.
Lots has happened this week, so I'll do a little summing up.
This week's "notables:"
Parenting is a lot more trial and error than I ever expected. Although, I had my own personal breakthrough with Elijah I think, yesterday. He doesn't respond to a lot of traditional shall we say, punishments. Sometimes he reminds me of a little adult. So I have found the easiest way to handle his misbehaviors is with natural consequences, and a calm understanding voice. I will admit to yelling, which gets everyone nowhere. So, yesterday Elijah decided to write on the bathroom wall with a pen. I didn't notice it right away, but when I did... I calmly asked him if he had written on the wall, he admitted it. Amazingly I didn't over-react, but told him he would clean it up. Guess what, he did with no problems! (note: mix baking soda with a little water to make a paste and scrub with an old toothbrush... I have found this to be the best method... and yes this is not his first offense).
Owen is turning three next Saturday! I can't believe he's not my baby anymore. We're planning a circus themed party for him... it will be lots of fun! He's so excited, anytime we talk about it being his birthday soon, he has to say, "My Circus Birthday!"
I hate for this to be a "notable," but I also can't go on without mentioning my Grandpa's passing last Sunday. It still doesn't seem real, and I'm not sure how I am suppose to feel about it. No one can really prepare you for this kind of thing. It is hardest seeing the pain my mom is going through and not being able to make her feel better. She has always been the "rock" of the family, the reliable, responsible and I hate that she has to deal with all the arrangements as she is mourning. A few things about my Grandpa...
He loved strawberry ice cream. He knew how to cook anything in the microwave. He was an amazing craftsman. He used to make intricate Christmas ornaments for us shaped like 3-D octagons. He also perfected many woodwork projects, my mom has some of the bookshelves that he made in her house, that are beautifully carved and built. He kept his "temple" healthy, going for walks every day and surprising lifting weights! He always cared about our health too, and our interests. When I wanted to take a correspondence course for writing Children's literature, he helped me pay for it. He also helped Martin and I purchase the house we now live in. The bank required our debt to income ratio to be lower than it was, meaning we had to pay off one of Martin's student loans. Yikes... Grandpa came through and covered what we couldn't. He always made sure the people he loved were taken care of. What surprised me most about him was he way he took care of my Grandma all of these years even though they have been divorced since my mom was thirteen. There are so many things I appreciate about him, and he will be missed.
Death sometimes makes us think of the way we should be living. I know one of the best things I can do is show gratitude in every way. It is a small thing that has a great power. For we are not simply flesh and bones, nerves, and neurons, but we are souls that need nourished. When I think about others as souls around me, it changes my heart and my perspective. I know that I am blessed beyond what I deserve and showing gratitude to others is a small way to bless their soul and to transform mine a little more each day. If I started my list of gratitude here, it would reach to the moon, but I do plan to tell some people how much they mean to me. It's important to say things out loud even when it feels awkward and corny.
I am probably most thankful for my loving hubby. He helps in so many ways. Especially now, when I am such a mess... I cry at least once a day because of the pregnancy hormones, and he just holds me and tells me it's going to be all right. We've worked out some teamwork with the housework too, so I don't feel so overwhelmed. He unloads the dishwasher before he goes to work most mornings, and I load it up during the day and run it every night. He tries to help with whatever else I need too. He is so wonderful, and I know God sent him to me! Thanks honey for putting up with me!
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