The White House Hates Allergies!

In just a few weeks, William, my youngest, will turn two. Aside from it seeming impossible, and all of my feelings of denial that my baby could be two, he doesn't feel like he's about to reach this milestone.  I guess it's because we have been through so much with him; you wouldn't think that allergies would affect sleep patterns and car trips, but they do. I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined the things I now have to worry about. The things that cause me the most stress are not even on a "normal" mom's radar.
I can't let my "baby" cry it out. He is almost two, and I can't let him get to sleep on his own for fear that he will get his tube socks off of his legs and arms, which we use as a precaution barrier to keep him from scratching himself. Once the socks are off, there is no helping him. He will scratch until his legs are bleeding and his fingers are covered with his own blood. He can't help it. And there is nothing more I can do than what I am already doing. this is the hardest part.  It breaks my heart that this is a daily struggle: trying to keep my almost two-year-old from making himself bleed. So I do treat him like a baby at bedtime. I rock him until he is almost completely out, then the tickling starts. I lay him in his crib and rub and gently tickle his belly until I see his eyelids close and he is breathing deeply. This takes a LONG time. Sometimes he wakes up 4 or 5 times and I have to start all over again... from the very beginning. He taps his belly letting me know that he wants me to rub it some more, then he peers at me through slanted eyes to make sure I'm not sneaking out on him. When I do try letting him fuss and cry to see if he will self soothe, it usually backfires on me, meaning he's gotten the socks off, thrown them between the crib and the wall, and he is scratching. Part of it feels like he has really learned how to manipulate me, which is probably a bit true, but then I have to settle and embrace in that other side. I get to hold my boy a little longer, and watch him fall asleep, and breathe deeply.
The scratching issue is also a major stress in the car. We always start off going somewhere with the socks on him. It is just a necesity. After months of doing this, William has getting them off down to an art. If he really wants to, he can get them off in a few seconds. We've tried distracting him with other things, toys, snacks (which work the best), but inevitably the socks come off at some point, and he can't help but scratch those itchy legs! I can't believe that I now carry a supply of bandage wrap in the car just in case I have to pull over and wrap his bloody legs. Every time I have to do this, I just cry. And it happens at least once a week! Most of our destinations are twenty minutes away, so this is also part of the problem. He can handle five to ten mintues, but after that, forget it. His two big brothers try to help keep him happy and distracted too, they also warn me if he's gotten his socks off. The scratching is pretty disturbing to them too. It makes me not want to go anywhere. I know that if we stay home that at least that takes out one of the possibilities of him re-opening wounds that babdly need to heal. Every day, I slather his legs with Vitamin E oil. This process, though not pleasant, has shown me the amazing ability of healing. His skin transforms so quickly from weeping and bloody, to scabby, to smooth all in a weeks time.  Now I am ready for emotional healing.

I am wound so tightly, that I snap so easily, and it's really no ones fault. My mind is just trying so hard to survive and keep up. I want to get out of survival mode, but I feel like that is still a long ways off. We are still just managing things, and are barely staying afloat. My other boys are very understanding of the allergies, and have been helpful (although, once in a while, Owen has slipped Will something on the "no, no" list. He asked me yesterday if William could have bagels. I told him no because they usually have egg in them. Then I asked if he had given Will some. "Well, he looked really jealous, mom, but it was just a little piece," he told me).

It has only been three weeks since we found out exactly what foods William is allergic to (eggs, dairy, and peanuts), so that alone has been a major transition. We still haven't even tested for environmental allergies. I feel unprepared for this life changing world. I mean will he never have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch? My underlying optimism is hoping he will outgrow some of this, but for now, I have to deal with it day by day.

He is eating a lot of fruit.. maybe too much.  He loves cereal, and his main protein is chicken. I can get him to eat beans if I process them, but it is still hit and miss. I stress about it all. Is he getting enough nutrition, did I give him the wrong thing, will he ever stop scratching? Yesterday I gave him edamame, thinking they would be a good snack, then of course my paranoid brain had to re-read the label. It turned out, the facility where they were processed contained milk, eggs, and peanuts! I couldn't believe all three were listed! He had already eaten a handful and was scratching his arms up!

I know it is going to take time and patience during this adjustment period, but it is so much harder than i ever imagined.  I remember before I had kids, some friends of ours had a daughter that was allergic to cheese and some other things, and as a teenager, I thought that was so weird. I thought her parents were being "a little extreme." Now I can't even believe I had those feelings! People probably look at me and think the same thing, but you can't help it when it is your kid, your baby who depends on your good choices. You have to be crazy and over protective, and a little too tightly wound. I'm doing the best I can, but I may also be on the verge of an emotional breakdown, frankly because this really isn't my only problem. I am responsible for raising three little boys, and this allergy thing has just thrown a real curve ball in there for me.  It helps to know there are lots of other moms struggling in the same ways that I am. It also helps to hear I am doing an okay job once in a while (the hubby is good at this).  If you are reading this, thank you for bearing with me. I really needed to just let some feelings out.

My silly sweet boy, William is about to turn two, but he'll always be my baby. Of course I baby him too much, and like I said, the allergy thing has made that worse. But then again, he's my last, so he deserves a little baby-ing. And I kind of needed that part to last a little longer this time around anyways.