We live about twenty minutes out of town, at least the town where I prefer to do most of my outings. That gives me two options, the freeway, or the long back, country road. Most of the time I take the freeway to wherever we are going, the grocery store, church, grandma’s house. But I like to take the long way home.
Today, after church, I grabbed my favorite white mocha freeze at Dutch Bros, and headed home on the long country road. My two boys were babbling and giggling with each other in the backseat, Elijah stretching his arm out attempting to place a sticker on his brother’s face. They love each other so much! I simply smiled to myself in the rear view mirror ready to enjoy the next twenty minutes.
There is something freeing about driving out in the open where you can see outstretched plains reaching to far away purple mountains topped with snow. We pass cows and horses, even goats roaming in their very own pasture, just as God intended. It is then that I feel, just for a moment, that everything is right and as it should be. I roll the window down and let the breeze fluster my hair a little. Then a voice from the backseat says, “I want my window down too, mommy!” “All right, just a little,” I say. Elijah tells me how many horses were in the meadow out his window. I smile with pride, wonder, and amazement – this boy is growing up too quickly.
A few minutes later, near the half-way mark of getting home, the chatting, giggling and babbling ceases. I look behind me to see two zonked out boys, heads loose- faces angelic. The vault of my heart snaps a picture, so I can remember this moment forever.
The next ten minutes of my drive are just for me. I finish sipping my perfect drink, and think about my life. My struggles, my victories, and thoughts of the future flutter through my mind with new hope in these few minutes of perfect peace. The sun is peeking through the clouds resplendently.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Crying in Closets
Every day I am faced with the realization of how ridiculous my life is. The abnormality of my schedule is really starting to take it's toll on me. Today I found myself locked in the darkness of my closet just to get some peace, take some deep breaths and yes, cry a little. It's not that my life is so bad. In fact I have a very blessed life and everything that I need is supplied for me more often than not. I'm just tired of not seeing my husband on a regular basis, and I know I'm not the only one and I shouldn't complain... I hate being a whiner. But here is what my week looks like:
If you didn't already know, Martin, my hubby, works the night shift. He gets up at 8;30pm Sunday through Thursday and comes home around 7am. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, he goes to morning classes. On those days he makes it home for a late lunch and then it's off to sleep at 2pm. Tuesdays and Thursdays are sometimes spent going somewhere together for the morning. Of course he have to plan our outings around two young boys as well so that is often a challenge too. This week however, I didn't get to spend this morning with him, and I won't get Thursday either because he's working on a computer consulting job. Which I am thrilled and proud and excited for him, because he's beginning a dream- this is what he wants to be doing, but I also feel a little resentment... guilty resentment, but it's there nonetheless. Those hours, those few morning hours are supposed to be mine.
I don't want to feel this way, like the other half of my team is missing because I know he's working so hard to do what he can for our family. It would be so much easier to justify my feelings if he didn't care, if he wasn't the most wonderful husband in the world, and the best most loving daddy.
Before he started this night shift position, we did everything together. I never went anywhere alone, and if I did it was never with the boys in tow. I felt incapable. We always did things as a family even if it was just running to the store to stock up on toilet paper. We'd make it fun because we were out doing it together. Maybe we'd stop for a coffee on the way and have a good chat about something new.
I miss the way things used to be. I miss casually watching a rented movie together in our living room. We never have two consecutive hours together. We tried watching a movie in segments before he went to work one week, but that was like torture. It took us four nights to see the entire movie, and it's just not the same when you know your husband is going to walk out the door in half an hour. You can't just relax. You know the bed you sleep in will be cold and empty, and once he leaves you'll finish the bowl of popcorn or ice cream or m&ms all by yourself. And every skitter the cat makes, or bark out the window will make you jump, because your alone. And the worst part is, every night is the same. It's not like he's just gone for a fishing trip with his brother for the weekend, it's night after night after night.
Oh yeah and did I mention we don't get to spend weekends together either? nope, he's got to stay on his schedule so it doesn't mes up his sleep pattern. So if we want a date night or if we want to do anything... we really have to plan it. Occasionally he'll sleep Friday morning so that we can go out Friday night, but nothing can be spontaneous. And we are always working against time.
So today I went into the closet. It wasn't my first time. I turned out the light, closed the door wishing that it would all go away... go back to the way it used to be. I knew it was pointless, but I'm in a tunnel- a BIG, LONG tunnel and I can't see the light shining at the other end. People tell me it will get better, and that there is a light somewhere out there. I believe you... I've told people this exact same thing, but the person who's in the dark doesn't want to hear that, they want to hear that's it's okay. It's okay to feel this way... like you can't go on and you want to give up. I do want to give up- every day I meet that moment and I have to face it. Sometimes i push through, I surprise myself by being strong. Other days I cry in the closet where my kids can't see or hear me, and I tell myself it's okay.
If you didn't already know, Martin, my hubby, works the night shift. He gets up at 8;30pm Sunday through Thursday and comes home around 7am. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, he goes to morning classes. On those days he makes it home for a late lunch and then it's off to sleep at 2pm. Tuesdays and Thursdays are sometimes spent going somewhere together for the morning. Of course he have to plan our outings around two young boys as well so that is often a challenge too. This week however, I didn't get to spend this morning with him, and I won't get Thursday either because he's working on a computer consulting job. Which I am thrilled and proud and excited for him, because he's beginning a dream- this is what he wants to be doing, but I also feel a little resentment... guilty resentment, but it's there nonetheless. Those hours, those few morning hours are supposed to be mine.
I don't want to feel this way, like the other half of my team is missing because I know he's working so hard to do what he can for our family. It would be so much easier to justify my feelings if he didn't care, if he wasn't the most wonderful husband in the world, and the best most loving daddy.
Before he started this night shift position, we did everything together. I never went anywhere alone, and if I did it was never with the boys in tow. I felt incapable. We always did things as a family even if it was just running to the store to stock up on toilet paper. We'd make it fun because we were out doing it together. Maybe we'd stop for a coffee on the way and have a good chat about something new.
I miss the way things used to be. I miss casually watching a rented movie together in our living room. We never have two consecutive hours together. We tried watching a movie in segments before he went to work one week, but that was like torture. It took us four nights to see the entire movie, and it's just not the same when you know your husband is going to walk out the door in half an hour. You can't just relax. You know the bed you sleep in will be cold and empty, and once he leaves you'll finish the bowl of popcorn or ice cream or m&ms all by yourself. And every skitter the cat makes, or bark out the window will make you jump, because your alone. And the worst part is, every night is the same. It's not like he's just gone for a fishing trip with his brother for the weekend, it's night after night after night.
Oh yeah and did I mention we don't get to spend weekends together either? nope, he's got to stay on his schedule so it doesn't mes up his sleep pattern. So if we want a date night or if we want to do anything... we really have to plan it. Occasionally he'll sleep Friday morning so that we can go out Friday night, but nothing can be spontaneous. And we are always working against time.
So today I went into the closet. It wasn't my first time. I turned out the light, closed the door wishing that it would all go away... go back to the way it used to be. I knew it was pointless, but I'm in a tunnel- a BIG, LONG tunnel and I can't see the light shining at the other end. People tell me it will get better, and that there is a light somewhere out there. I believe you... I've told people this exact same thing, but the person who's in the dark doesn't want to hear that, they want to hear that's it's okay. It's okay to feel this way... like you can't go on and you want to give up. I do want to give up- every day I meet that moment and I have to face it. Sometimes i push through, I surprise myself by being strong. Other days I cry in the closet where my kids can't see or hear me, and I tell myself it's okay.
Monday, March 22, 2010
My Favorite (mostly healthy) Snacks...
Here are some of My favorite snacks and foods I have recently become very attached too. The above is a picture of a snack/trail mix that I just can't get enough of. One of my favorite things in it are the dried cherries; it also has raisins, yogurt raisins, peanut butter chips, chocolate chips, almonds, peanuts, dried fruit, soy nuts, and probably a few other things! It is yummy! I mix a few things from the bulk health food section of fred meyer. Hope you enjoy the rest of my fav. healthy snacks!
Wheat thins are the perfect snack when paired with string cheese! Mmm... I usually get the reduced fat kind, but the hubby forgot when he picked these up. This is a daily snack for me!
When I found this specific brand of chai in this liquid form that you store in the refrigerator- it changed my life! I drink it hot in the morning, pretty much every morning- mixed with milk. Then for a super awesome twist I pour this magical drink into silicone ice cube trays and freeze. Sometimes in the afternoon or evenings when my boys are asleep, I make myself a special blended chai by processing the chai ice cubes in a cup of milk with my hand mixer. It is SO good. My favorite drink ever! It may even be better than coffee! maybe.
I first tried this soup at my mom's house. And honestly I'm not a big soup fan, but this is GOOD! My favorite way to have it is with actual chunks of roasted red pepper mixed in and topped with Parmesan cheese. I also love the easy store container and that I can heat one bowl portions at a time.
These are the best fruit bars ever! You can find them at Target and they are 100% fruit and have very few calories. (yet they hit the sweet craving too)! They are perfectly paired with raw almonds (as you can see in the next picture- don't you just want to eat that snack right now?) or great cut up and put in your morning cereal. I love having a few stored in my purse for me and my boys when we are on the go.
There are other flavors of course, but this pomegranate one is my favorite!Let me know what some of your favorite snacks are and try some of mine. I like to try new things... things that I might not have ever thought of before or seen. Hope you will like some of my favorites!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Focus On The Good
March Madness Update:
Tonight I made my cat proud. As she lay curled up on the couch, my heart rate hit the ceiling and sweat poured out of every inch of my body. When I stopped for a "water break" I was so out of breath that I couldn't even get a mouth full. I wanted nothing more than to gulp down the entire glass and then some, but as it was, I only managed a few sips in between gasps. Though I only worked out four days this week, I upped the intensity by making my step three inches taller- which pretty much has me sweating in the first five minutes! I didn't realize what a difference a few inches would make... I've been using my son's stool that he uses in the bathroom to reach the sink. It's one of those dual purpose stools that changes into a kneeling station for giving kids baths. It's actually very handy. I got it as a baby shower gift and now I have found it's third purpose- aerobic step! The first two weeks I had been using it on the lower knee pad level because it gave me more room on top, but I think it is more effective doing it at the higher level. I don't thinkI have lost any weight yet (my numbers fluctuate 2-3 pounds on a regular basis), but I am seeing some change in my body!
I can't do it all:
Everyone is asleep at my house now. Even the cat is dosing off. There are a hundred things left to do... but I am trying to tell myself I can't do it all. I made a dent in the pile of dishes earlier, I'm not even going to discuss the laundry. The mail is still unopened (I'm avoiding it, only because I know it will be yet another thing for me be responsible for, another thing to file away, or write a check out to). The living room never got picked up... toys are still strewn about like no one cares, and the stacks that line my counter are all reminders of other responsibilities- things that need to get done- soon.
I'm telling myself it's okay. I'm telling myself to focus on all the good that happened today... I got to spend time with each of my boys one on one which almost never happens. I dropped Elijah off with daddy who had promised to get him a strawberry smoothie and take him to the park, while I played with the lovable laughable Owen! It's rare that I get to simply focus on him. It reminded me of when my days consisted of just me and Elijah. We laughed and found our bellies and ate goldfish crackers until nap time.
Later on in the evening I surprised Elijah with a new puzzle. (he is extremely good at puzzles- must get that from daddy)! It was a 24 piece of the very hungry caterpillar. He put it together pretty quickly, and also began quoting the book, which didn't at all surprise me. We sat together at the table. I was working on a new scrapbook project. Every 30 seconds he would ask, "mommy where do you think this piece goes?" just to see what I'd say. I kept answering, "where do you think?" sometimes giving him a hint, but he really knew where each piece went. Kids are funny like that.
I am grateful, though sometimes do feel guilty that I simply can't do it all. I am trying my best to do whatI feel is most important, isn't that all any of us can do? Maybe no one else will ever see my snail-like progress, and maybe my cat really isn't looking at me with pride, she's probably wondering why I would give up a bowl of icecream every night for stepping, jumping, and sweating infront of the T.V. Some days I don't know why either.
Tonight I made my cat proud. As she lay curled up on the couch, my heart rate hit the ceiling and sweat poured out of every inch of my body. When I stopped for a "water break" I was so out of breath that I couldn't even get a mouth full. I wanted nothing more than to gulp down the entire glass and then some, but as it was, I only managed a few sips in between gasps. Though I only worked out four days this week, I upped the intensity by making my step three inches taller- which pretty much has me sweating in the first five minutes! I didn't realize what a difference a few inches would make... I've been using my son's stool that he uses in the bathroom to reach the sink. It's one of those dual purpose stools that changes into a kneeling station for giving kids baths. It's actually very handy. I got it as a baby shower gift and now I have found it's third purpose- aerobic step! The first two weeks I had been using it on the lower knee pad level because it gave me more room on top, but I think it is more effective doing it at the higher level. I don't thinkI have lost any weight yet (my numbers fluctuate 2-3 pounds on a regular basis), but I am seeing some change in my body!
I can't do it all:
Everyone is asleep at my house now. Even the cat is dosing off. There are a hundred things left to do... but I am trying to tell myself I can't do it all. I made a dent in the pile of dishes earlier, I'm not even going to discuss the laundry. The mail is still unopened (I'm avoiding it, only because I know it will be yet another thing for me be responsible for, another thing to file away, or write a check out to). The living room never got picked up... toys are still strewn about like no one cares, and the stacks that line my counter are all reminders of other responsibilities- things that need to get done- soon.
I'm telling myself it's okay. I'm telling myself to focus on all the good that happened today... I got to spend time with each of my boys one on one which almost never happens. I dropped Elijah off with daddy who had promised to get him a strawberry smoothie and take him to the park, while I played with the lovable laughable Owen! It's rare that I get to simply focus on him. It reminded me of when my days consisted of just me and Elijah. We laughed and found our bellies and ate goldfish crackers until nap time.
Later on in the evening I surprised Elijah with a new puzzle. (he is extremely good at puzzles- must get that from daddy)! It was a 24 piece of the very hungry caterpillar. He put it together pretty quickly, and also began quoting the book, which didn't at all surprise me. We sat together at the table. I was working on a new scrapbook project. Every 30 seconds he would ask, "mommy where do you think this piece goes?" just to see what I'd say. I kept answering, "where do you think?" sometimes giving him a hint, but he really knew where each piece went. Kids are funny like that.
I am grateful, though sometimes do feel guilty that I simply can't do it all. I am trying my best to do whatI feel is most important, isn't that all any of us can do? Maybe no one else will ever see my snail-like progress, and maybe my cat really isn't looking at me with pride, she's probably wondering why I would give up a bowl of icecream every night for stepping, jumping, and sweating infront of the T.V. Some days I don't know why either.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Not a Park Day
This week I haven't been able to work out every single night... but I haven't given up. I've been doing sort of an every other night replacement plan. I feel a little guilty about it since I did commit to doing every night, but something had to give.
It has been a busy week. Since the weather has been nice, we've made a few efforts to go the park, both ending in me deciding that it wasn't in fact warm enough. Yesterday I really regretted taking Elijah... It sounded like such a good idea, and by looking out the window it seemed like the perfect way to spend our afternoon. Well once you tell a three-year-old something, there's no turning back. After the park idea flew out of my mouth he was completely on board! We got on our shoes, and coats and stepped outside where we were greeted with multiple whooshes of Post Falls wind. I wanted to turn right around and head back in the house, but I told myself we could just stay at the park a short while and then come home for some hot cocoa. Good plan, right?
When we arrived at the park, Elijah shouted out, "Are we going to play at the castle park?" His excitement was pure and I knew then that my plan would be more than difficult to carry out. The "castle park," as he calls it, just happens to be surrounded by great white pines which create an enormous amount of shade- perfect for the sweltering days of summer, not so much for the cool afternoons of spring.
I loaded Owen into the stroller as Elijah bounced nearby, ready to zoom all the way to the top of the castle. As soon as I got Owen buckled in, we pushed our way over blankets of fallen pine needles to the playground. By the time we Elijah ran across the bridge for the third time, my hair, which had been pulled into an up do, was flying about recklessly and obscuring my view. I kept trying to tuck it behind my ears, but it was no use. A few of the daddies there, to my shocking surprise, were sporting shorts! They must be crazy! It was only about fifty degrees and in the shade with the wind! I only lasted about another fifteen minutes. We were shivering, and I was dreaming about a hot cup of cocoa! This however, did not appeal to Elijah.
I gave him the usual fair warning, "Okay Elijah, you get to go down the slide three more times... two more times... okay, last time!" After he'd finished his "last time" he was running around to sneak in an extra round in. I intercepted him, reminding him that it was now time to go. "But mommy," he protested, "I can't stop playing!" The way he said it was like he was actually unable to stop playing... I wanted to laugh, but I put on my stern mommy face and said, "You can stop playing. It's time to go now, come on." I motioned toward the car. He looked at me, then back at the stairs in front of him leading to the castle bridge. In a split second he made his mischievous decision and headed up the stairs. I caught him with one arm and slung him onto my "baby shaped" hip. He wasn't expecting this... he thought he could get away with one last victory down the slide, and when I surprised him the tears began to flow! The entire park got to experience his wails and screams of the unfairness of life. We got halfway to the car when I realized my "baby shaped hip was made mostly for babies, and I couldn't carry this big boy any longer. I set him down and requested that he walk the rest of the way. I continued pushing Owen in the stroller, but Elijah stood frozen under the tall shady pine trees with his mouth open as wide as possible screaming in disbelief. I thought he would follow me to the car. I had seen other mother use this tactic. You know the one: "Okay, I guess I'll just leave without you," they say, and their kid follows out of fright at being left behind. I don't generally like this tactic mostly because it is based on a lie: I would never actually leave my child somewhere, and wouldn't want them to think that... but that is a whole other story. He didn't move from that spot. I stood wishing it had been warmer, wishing I could have let him play longer, then wishing we hadn't come at all. I did the only thing I could do... I marched back over the blanket of pine needles, scooped up my distraught child and proceeded to the car, pushing the stroller with arm and holding him tight in the other. The ride home wasn't quiet, but it warm.
Today we went to play at the mall where the wind doesn't blow, and there are no pine trees.
It has been a busy week. Since the weather has been nice, we've made a few efforts to go the park, both ending in me deciding that it wasn't in fact warm enough. Yesterday I really regretted taking Elijah... It sounded like such a good idea, and by looking out the window it seemed like the perfect way to spend our afternoon. Well once you tell a three-year-old something, there's no turning back. After the park idea flew out of my mouth he was completely on board! We got on our shoes, and coats and stepped outside where we were greeted with multiple whooshes of Post Falls wind. I wanted to turn right around and head back in the house, but I told myself we could just stay at the park a short while and then come home for some hot cocoa. Good plan, right?
When we arrived at the park, Elijah shouted out, "Are we going to play at the castle park?" His excitement was pure and I knew then that my plan would be more than difficult to carry out. The "castle park," as he calls it, just happens to be surrounded by great white pines which create an enormous amount of shade- perfect for the sweltering days of summer, not so much for the cool afternoons of spring.
I loaded Owen into the stroller as Elijah bounced nearby, ready to zoom all the way to the top of the castle. As soon as I got Owen buckled in, we pushed our way over blankets of fallen pine needles to the playground. By the time we Elijah ran across the bridge for the third time, my hair, which had been pulled into an up do, was flying about recklessly and obscuring my view. I kept trying to tuck it behind my ears, but it was no use. A few of the daddies there, to my shocking surprise, were sporting shorts! They must be crazy! It was only about fifty degrees and in the shade with the wind! I only lasted about another fifteen minutes. We were shivering, and I was dreaming about a hot cup of cocoa! This however, did not appeal to Elijah.
I gave him the usual fair warning, "Okay Elijah, you get to go down the slide three more times... two more times... okay, last time!" After he'd finished his "last time" he was running around to sneak in an extra round in. I intercepted him, reminding him that it was now time to go. "But mommy," he protested, "I can't stop playing!" The way he said it was like he was actually unable to stop playing... I wanted to laugh, but I put on my stern mommy face and said, "You can stop playing. It's time to go now, come on." I motioned toward the car. He looked at me, then back at the stairs in front of him leading to the castle bridge. In a split second he made his mischievous decision and headed up the stairs. I caught him with one arm and slung him onto my "baby shaped" hip. He wasn't expecting this... he thought he could get away with one last victory down the slide, and when I surprised him the tears began to flow! The entire park got to experience his wails and screams of the unfairness of life. We got halfway to the car when I realized my "baby shaped hip was made mostly for babies, and I couldn't carry this big boy any longer. I set him down and requested that he walk the rest of the way. I continued pushing Owen in the stroller, but Elijah stood frozen under the tall shady pine trees with his mouth open as wide as possible screaming in disbelief. I thought he would follow me to the car. I had seen other mother use this tactic. You know the one: "Okay, I guess I'll just leave without you," they say, and their kid follows out of fright at being left behind. I don't generally like this tactic mostly because it is based on a lie: I would never actually leave my child somewhere, and wouldn't want them to think that... but that is a whole other story. He didn't move from that spot. I stood wishing it had been warmer, wishing I could have let him play longer, then wishing we hadn't come at all. I did the only thing I could do... I marched back over the blanket of pine needles, scooped up my distraught child and proceeded to the car, pushing the stroller with arm and holding him tight in the other. The ride home wasn't quiet, but it warm.
Today we went to play at the mall where the wind doesn't blow, and there are no pine trees.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Waiting for Routine to become Routine
In the past, my efforts to get in shape have lacked consistency. (I'm hoping this is my only downfall) The only time I can remember sticking with the same workout pattern on a daily basis was when I signed myself up for weights class in high school. I have to admit that I really did love that class as odd as it may sound. Me in weight class? yep. Lifting weights isn't all about bulking up, but I was one of three girls which turned into just two of us in the middle of the first quarter.
When working out becomes part of your daily routine, you can't help but enjoy it. I've known this truth ever since I forced myself to take that class. Your body begins to thrive on the extra energy, and I know there are endless benefits. The beginning is always the hardest. It's not routine yet... not grained into your system as something that must be done such as: the laundry or dishes. But once it is- it IS. I'm not there yet. In fact, I've already had some rough days when I've questioned the purpose, when I've wanted to give up. However, I am proud to say that I have made halfway through my second week of this personal fitness challenge! That's eight days of sweat!
Some tips:
Don't be too hard on yourself: This rule is a must for any challenge. If I don't get through my entire step video, I don't beat myself up. The point is that I made an effort. I'm also not crazy about rationing food or restricting myself into a corner. I try to eat healthfully, in moderation, and allow myself a treat here and there.
Eat what you like: You will never stick with it if you are forcing yourself to eat food you can't stand. Pick the vegetables that you actually enjoy eating. I can't get enough red peppers! And here's a little trivia: fresh red peppers are packed with more vitamin C than oranges, broccoli, and papaya!
Have Fun! If you aren't enjoying yourself, you need to pick a different kind of workout, trust me there is something out there that will make you love getting into a well fitting sports bra! Wear fun clothes too that make you feel great. Forget the baggy sweats and loose t-shirts. Even if you aren't in shape yet you will look and feel better in tight fitting clothes that support you. Of course I do my work out in the privacy of my living room so I don't have to worry about any one seeing me in me tiny red shorts and black and white perfect sports bra.
With consistency and a positive attitude, anything can be done!
When working out becomes part of your daily routine, you can't help but enjoy it. I've known this truth ever since I forced myself to take that class. Your body begins to thrive on the extra energy, and I know there are endless benefits. The beginning is always the hardest. It's not routine yet... not grained into your system as something that must be done such as: the laundry or dishes. But once it is- it IS. I'm not there yet. In fact, I've already had some rough days when I've questioned the purpose, when I've wanted to give up. However, I am proud to say that I have made halfway through my second week of this personal fitness challenge! That's eight days of sweat!
Some tips:
Don't be too hard on yourself: This rule is a must for any challenge. If I don't get through my entire step video, I don't beat myself up. The point is that I made an effort. I'm also not crazy about rationing food or restricting myself into a corner. I try to eat healthfully, in moderation, and allow myself a treat here and there.
Eat what you like: You will never stick with it if you are forcing yourself to eat food you can't stand. Pick the vegetables that you actually enjoy eating. I can't get enough red peppers! And here's a little trivia: fresh red peppers are packed with more vitamin C than oranges, broccoli, and papaya!
Have Fun! If you aren't enjoying yourself, you need to pick a different kind of workout, trust me there is something out there that will make you love getting into a well fitting sports bra! Wear fun clothes too that make you feel great. Forget the baggy sweats and loose t-shirts. Even if you aren't in shape yet you will look and feel better in tight fitting clothes that support you. Of course I do my work out in the privacy of my living room so I don't have to worry about any one seeing me in me tiny red shorts and black and white perfect sports bra.
With consistency and a positive attitude, anything can be done!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Sweaty and Sore
After five days of sticking with my workout regiment (sweating and panting for 30-45 minutes every evening) I am feeling sore in places I haven't been able to feel in months. Everything hurts... but in a good way. At least I know something is happening, my body is reacting to all of this effort and those muscles that have been buried under all that "baby weight" are really there after all.
I really feel it when I have to bend down, or squat to lift up my twenty-two pound baby! Whoo! He's half of my workout... can't wait for him to start walking so I won't have to lug him every where. And I know what you're thinking, I'll regret that statement when he's running around tearing down my bookshelves etc. But I'm aware, and believe me when I say I would much rather have him running. As it is, my right side is getting particularly strong from continually lifting him to my hip.
So, I've completed my first week of what I'm calling "March Madness," and I have to say I feel a certain pride knowing that I have stuck with it this far! One week doesn't sound like a lot, but everyday I have to remind myself why I'm doing this and that I'm worth it. The exercise that goes on in my mind is far more than what actually happens once I turn on that cardio step video. I think we can all identify with the truth that the emotions behind making a change are far more challenging than the change itself. For me it is self-confidence: that has been my life-long struggle. I'm recognizing that I have very negative self-talk, which affects every part of my life. This is what I truly need to change. Accomplishing reasonable goals is a good start.
I have the advantage of a personal motivator... his name is Elijah and he's three. He refers to my workout as "the moves." When he remembers, he'll plead with me, "mommy can I do the moves with you...please!" At first it was a bit challenging and distracting having him bouncing around next to me and running circles around me. Now we've worked out some rules. I lay a small blanket of his out on the floor and that is his space. He's allowed to stand up, sit up, or whatever he wishes, but he has to stay on the blanket. I also put out an array of other activities that keep him occupied when he starts to get bored, such as stamps, coloring pages, picture finds, etc. This system works pretty well. It's not quite as effective as the days when I do it alone, but I like the company. It's surprising how much he picks up. He's the sort of kid that sees everything in black and white, rules are rules and you have to follow them precisely. Sometimes while I"m doing the video he'll tell me things like, "mommy you have to put your water bottle in front of the step, just like her!" or heaven forbid I stop the video and do my own cool down! tonight he almost threw a fit saying, "but mommy it's not over yet! You have to turn it back on!" when I decided to stretch on my own. He's such a character and a great reminder of why I want this so badly. I want to run outside with him and be a great example of health, so he never has to worry.
I really feel it when I have to bend down, or squat to lift up my twenty-two pound baby! Whoo! He's half of my workout... can't wait for him to start walking so I won't have to lug him every where. And I know what you're thinking, I'll regret that statement when he's running around tearing down my bookshelves etc. But I'm aware, and believe me when I say I would much rather have him running. As it is, my right side is getting particularly strong from continually lifting him to my hip.
So, I've completed my first week of what I'm calling "March Madness," and I have to say I feel a certain pride knowing that I have stuck with it this far! One week doesn't sound like a lot, but everyday I have to remind myself why I'm doing this and that I'm worth it. The exercise that goes on in my mind is far more than what actually happens once I turn on that cardio step video. I think we can all identify with the truth that the emotions behind making a change are far more challenging than the change itself. For me it is self-confidence: that has been my life-long struggle. I'm recognizing that I have very negative self-talk, which affects every part of my life. This is what I truly need to change. Accomplishing reasonable goals is a good start.
I have the advantage of a personal motivator... his name is Elijah and he's three. He refers to my workout as "the moves." When he remembers, he'll plead with me, "mommy can I do the moves with you...please!" At first it was a bit challenging and distracting having him bouncing around next to me and running circles around me. Now we've worked out some rules. I lay a small blanket of his out on the floor and that is his space. He's allowed to stand up, sit up, or whatever he wishes, but he has to stay on the blanket. I also put out an array of other activities that keep him occupied when he starts to get bored, such as stamps, coloring pages, picture finds, etc. This system works pretty well. It's not quite as effective as the days when I do it alone, but I like the company. It's surprising how much he picks up. He's the sort of kid that sees everything in black and white, rules are rules and you have to follow them precisely. Sometimes while I"m doing the video he'll tell me things like, "mommy you have to put your water bottle in front of the step, just like her!" or heaven forbid I stop the video and do my own cool down! tonight he almost threw a fit saying, "but mommy it's not over yet! You have to turn it back on!" when I decided to stretch on my own. He's such a character and a great reminder of why I want this so badly. I want to run outside with him and be a great example of health, so he never has to worry.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Get the Sensation: March Madness- Day 3
My MARCH MADNESS Challenge:
To work out every weeknight in March and burn some major calories to sculpt my mommy body into something desirable.
It's day three and I'm feeling pretty good. Obviously not a lot has changed on the outside... but surprisingly, I've noticed some differences on the inside. I am constantly taking captive my thoughts about the wrong kinds of foods. I didn't realize before how much I crave sugary things, and also how often I eat when I'm not really hungry. While sitting on the couch watching a favorite show, I can't help think about something munchy to pop in to my mouth. The solution- sugar snap peas. They are crunchy and virtually free of calories... not to mention their surprisingly sweet taste.
My other little rescue weapons are York peppermint patties! Mmm! I allow myself two per day, and they are totally satisfying. They take care of the chocolate craving with minimal fat, and boy do I "get the sensation!" That melt in your mouth creamy mint patty covered in dark decadent chocolate frees me from the insanity I would otherwise face had I chose to attempt this quest without them.
I also rewarded myself today by purchasing a new sports bra! Yay! There's nothing better than feeling supported when you work out! Can't wait to use it... and the stability roller I couldn't pass up. It's suppose to help tone my abs, which will be great once I can find them!
Today is another great day to work out and feel great! And Get the Sensation... in every way possible!
To work out every weeknight in March and burn some major calories to sculpt my mommy body into something desirable.
It's day three and I'm feeling pretty good. Obviously not a lot has changed on the outside... but surprisingly, I've noticed some differences on the inside. I am constantly taking captive my thoughts about the wrong kinds of foods. I didn't realize before how much I crave sugary things, and also how often I eat when I'm not really hungry. While sitting on the couch watching a favorite show, I can't help think about something munchy to pop in to my mouth. The solution- sugar snap peas. They are crunchy and virtually free of calories... not to mention their surprisingly sweet taste.
My other little rescue weapons are York peppermint patties! Mmm! I allow myself two per day, and they are totally satisfying. They take care of the chocolate craving with minimal fat, and boy do I "get the sensation!" That melt in your mouth creamy mint patty covered in dark decadent chocolate frees me from the insanity I would otherwise face had I chose to attempt this quest without them.
I also rewarded myself today by purchasing a new sports bra! Yay! There's nothing better than feeling supported when you work out! Can't wait to use it... and the stability roller I couldn't pass up. It's suppose to help tone my abs, which will be great once I can find them!
Today is another great day to work out and feel great! And Get the Sensation... in every way possible!
Monday, March 1, 2010
March Madness: Day One
Today has been a busy day, and I haven't even gotten to my work-out yet. I plan to do that immediately after I am done here.
This morning I went to the grocery store alone. That in itself was like a fantasy. It's amazing to actually get everything thing on the list, not to mention an experience without screaming and constantly hearing myself say, "don't do that," or "stop bothering your brother!" It was early enough that there were few shoppers out. I could think clearly to myself, and more importantly, I could actually hear myself think! Excited for this commitment to health and changing my body this month (My March Madness) I cheerfully loaded the cart with all things colorful from the produce department, as well as various other hearty foods. When I got to the check-out counter I realized all I had to do was stand there and wait for the checker to scan my items. This hasn't happened to me in a LONG time. Usually this segment of time... the waiting in line part... is pure torture due to my bouncy I have to touch everything three year old. I felt so proud wheeling my cart out to the car, and for the first time in months, I even remembered to use the reusable bags!
While my trip to the store was successful, back at home I had expected my husband to put my one year old, Owen down for his morning nap so that he would be alert for a morning appointment. I even set a timer so he wouldn't have to remember on his own, but I came home to what you might imagine a house full of boys would look and sound like. No, Owen did not get his nap, but as usual I told myself it would work itself out. His appointment went well, but yes he fell asleep on the way home, which if you know anything about nap schedules... falling asleep in the car is a complete catastrophe. However, I chose to simply look back at my precious baby and admire him all the way home, knowing full well the challenge awaiting us as soon as the car stopped moving and sat parked in the driveway. Of course he did wake up, but surprisingly I as able to lie him down with ease. The factor I didn't figure in was his older brother who just got a new kangaroo climber that is set up in the living room. Owen shortly woke up due to the load banging on the little blue slide, but I'm not complaining.
My days are always crazy, and unpredictable. No matter how hard I try to plan things out, or time it all just right, something always takes me by surprise. Sometimes they are good surprises and sometimes it's things like cleaning two boys bottoms when I expected to only have to clean one. (still working on the potty training). Good and bad just go hand in hand I suppose; I'll take it that way.
Note: If you too are on a quest to re-shape your body, try to surround yourself with positive people. I also learned a small lesson today about sharing too much indirect info. with my son. I was looking in the mirror and complaining that I need to get rid of my belly. Well all day he kept reminding me of that. He kept saying, "mommy you need to get rid of that belly!" I know it's my own fault, but no one wants to hear that! So lesson learned I will be careful what I say out loud!
This morning I went to the grocery store alone. That in itself was like a fantasy. It's amazing to actually get everything thing on the list, not to mention an experience without screaming and constantly hearing myself say, "don't do that," or "stop bothering your brother!" It was early enough that there were few shoppers out. I could think clearly to myself, and more importantly, I could actually hear myself think! Excited for this commitment to health and changing my body this month (My March Madness) I cheerfully loaded the cart with all things colorful from the produce department, as well as various other hearty foods. When I got to the check-out counter I realized all I had to do was stand there and wait for the checker to scan my items. This hasn't happened to me in a LONG time. Usually this segment of time... the waiting in line part... is pure torture due to my bouncy I have to touch everything three year old. I felt so proud wheeling my cart out to the car, and for the first time in months, I even remembered to use the reusable bags!
While my trip to the store was successful, back at home I had expected my husband to put my one year old, Owen down for his morning nap so that he would be alert for a morning appointment. I even set a timer so he wouldn't have to remember on his own, but I came home to what you might imagine a house full of boys would look and sound like. No, Owen did not get his nap, but as usual I told myself it would work itself out. His appointment went well, but yes he fell asleep on the way home, which if you know anything about nap schedules... falling asleep in the car is a complete catastrophe. However, I chose to simply look back at my precious baby and admire him all the way home, knowing full well the challenge awaiting us as soon as the car stopped moving and sat parked in the driveway. Of course he did wake up, but surprisingly I as able to lie him down with ease. The factor I didn't figure in was his older brother who just got a new kangaroo climber that is set up in the living room. Owen shortly woke up due to the load banging on the little blue slide, but I'm not complaining.
My days are always crazy, and unpredictable. No matter how hard I try to plan things out, or time it all just right, something always takes me by surprise. Sometimes they are good surprises and sometimes it's things like cleaning two boys bottoms when I expected to only have to clean one. (still working on the potty training). Good and bad just go hand in hand I suppose; I'll take it that way.
Note: If you too are on a quest to re-shape your body, try to surround yourself with positive people. I also learned a small lesson today about sharing too much indirect info. with my son. I was looking in the mirror and complaining that I need to get rid of my belly. Well all day he kept reminding me of that. He kept saying, "mommy you need to get rid of that belly!" I know it's my own fault, but no one wants to hear that! So lesson learned I will be careful what I say out loud!
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